r/funny Aug 13 '22 Silver 6 Wholesome 1 Helpful 4 I'll Drink to That 1 hehehehe 1

Don’t fuck with Jenny

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54.8k Upvotes

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2.0k

u/Craig_79_Qld Aug 13 '22

Most exciting news in Mackay all week. 😋 Imagine Steve isn't happy he only made page 2.

761

u/wotmate Aug 13 '22

And the 300 Steve's that live there all have to answer the question "who's Jenny?"

337

u/Craig_79_Qld Aug 13 '22

Shallow pool of Steve's here. They've probably already worked out which Steve it is.

189

u/Liveman215 Aug 13 '22

In a small town? Everyone already knew

97

u/wotmate Aug 13 '22

Small city actually. Over 120,000 people live there.

101

u/turohabaneero Aug 13 '22

120 000 would be a big city here. The three largest cities in Lapland region of Finland do not have that combined

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u/Liveman215 Aug 13 '22

I demand they print a correction tomorrow

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u/wotmate Aug 13 '22

Mate, when I lived there, I knew four Steve's.

9

u/ElizabethDangit Aug 13 '22

I personally know zero Steves. Now it seems weird.

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53

u/Zaku0083 Aug 13 '22

lol Are you actually from Mackay?

85

u/Craig_79_Qld Aug 13 '22

Yes .. yes I am .. no shame in that... 🫣

82

u/Zaku0083 Aug 13 '22

So why did you do it Steve?

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u/metaglot Aug 13 '22

Unless you're Steve.

29

u/gurmzisoff Aug 13 '22

Nah, that's Craig.

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u/ashu54 Aug 13 '22

And the other 30 asking "which jenny?"

17

u/Flight_to_nowhere_26 Aug 13 '22

Yes, an unfortunately common name such as Steve. I can guarantee they are late 40 early 50-somethings. Everyone I know is a Michael, Steven, Jason, Jennifer, Heather or Kimberly. I am a late 40-something. In college we had 26 Jennifer’s on my dorm floor.

46

u/Simple-Wrangler-9909 Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

Good old common names

Back when I was in 5th grade we had 6 Michaels in a class of 23 students at my school. Two of which, I shit you not, had the same (very common) first, middle, and last names. Think "Michael John Smith" or something like that.

We called the other Mikes by their last names, except for the previously mentioned two who we called "Tall Mike" and "Fat Mike," because the teacher wouldn't let us call Fat Mike "Black Mike"

And Fat Mike wasn't even the fattest Mike

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u/pipeweedjr_ Aug 13 '22

"Who Jackie?"

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58

u/sati_lotus Aug 13 '22

Front page is probably a Harvey Norman ad.

7

u/Craig_79_Qld Aug 13 '22

We'll no cyclones around so it would have to be Hardly Normal.

20

u/the_buckman_bandit Aug 13 '22

Damnit Jenny, i am worth front page!

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21

u/meeowth Aug 13 '22

I don't know anyone who both lives in Mackay and reads physical newspapers

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u/nobdyputsbabynacornr Aug 13 '22

She probably told them to put him on page 2, but to charge the card as if it was the front page.

21

u/Efficient-Bonus9076 Aug 13 '22

Macktown Cracktown paying off once again!

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1.5k

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[deleted]

323

u/whal3n91 Aug 13 '22

Last name Smith

113

u/danteheehaw Aug 13 '22

Well everyone has the same last name in that town.

104

u/IAmBoratVeryExcite Aug 13 '22 Wholesome

Everyone...except...Ricky Spanish

67

u/PM_ME_UR_BEEFCAKE Aug 13 '22

Ricky Spanish

54

u/modi13 Aug 13 '22

You got some nerve showing your face around here, Ricky Spanish!

43

u/The_Safe_For_Work Aug 13 '22

Rickyyyyyyyy Spanishhhhhhhh

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u/jeeva7 Aug 13 '22

Ricky Italics

21

u/whal3n91 Aug 13 '22

God damm Jenny Smith putting him on blast

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14

u/broncofan1347 Aug 13 '22

Steve Smith? The football player?

12

u/GlassWasteland Aug 13 '22

No the other Steve Smith, but not the gay Steve Smith.

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u/aussiegoon Aug 13 '22

5

u/djc0 Aug 13 '22

Who sandpaper’s his balls

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10

u/WDCombo Aug 13 '22

Why crow, why?!

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38

u/240397 Aug 13 '22

One couple named Steve and Jenny

26

u/crioll0 Aug 13 '22

Who just broke up. In a small town that's plenty enough information.

5

u/toxoplasmosix Aug 13 '22

One credit card.

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u/ElGuano Aug 13 '22

Movie trailer voice guy??

18

u/Dye_Harder Aug 13 '22

, who was with a jenny, who broke up very recently, with jenny claiming infidelity

you left out a few of the narrowing down bits.

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112

u/mfulle03 Aug 13 '22

Every faithful Steve in town sweating buckets right now

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550

u/ShadauxCat Aug 13 '22

I feel like the real moral here for Steve is "Don't fuck without Jenny"

169

u/Heliolord Aug 13 '22

Don't fuck Jenny unless you're only gonna fuck Jenny.

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u/DefiantPenguin Aug 13 '22 Silver

Not excusing Steve’s behavior but she just admitted to credit card fraud. (Assuming the card was only in his name and she isn’t listed as an authorized user)

1.0k

u/ketamines Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

The paper didn’t actually charge her in the end. It’s a small town newspaper in Queensland, Aus.

Edit: I mean the paper didn't charge her money. They ran it for free.

163

u/SoberTek Aug 13 '22

93

u/tetraourogallus Aug 13 '22

It becomes really useless doesn't it? had to lie about the credit card bit to not get her in massive trouble and also about the "Now the whole town will know what a filthy cheater you are"-bit as they cannot reveal any identifying information other than his first name to not get into trouble. We don't know about the cheating part.

They could have just written "Person may have cheated on other person"

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101

u/PhoKit2 Aug 13 '22

If they didn’t, who charged her in the end?

161

u/ketamines Aug 13 '22

Sorry I mean the paper didn’t charge her any money for it.

93

u/PhoKit2 Aug 13 '22

I’m the one who’s sorry for purposely being an ass

45

u/ketamines Aug 13 '22

Nah you’re good, I didn’t exactly write it very clearly haha.

91

u/laseluuu Aug 13 '22

Can I be sorry too, I'm British and I haven't said the word in about a day and need to get it out

51

u/Adventurous_Train_48 Aug 13 '22

Sorry, you cannot.

40

u/laseluuu Aug 13 '22

Damnit, sorry for asking

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I can relax now

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u/Trypsach Aug 13 '22

What a great thread

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u/NetCat0x Aug 13 '22

If they didn’t, who charged her in the end?

purposely being an ass

Sounds like a lot of people got fucked cause of steve.

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u/SeiCalros Aug 13 '22

not steve anymore since he APPARENTLY has somebody else now

7

u/Jcampbell1796 Aug 13 '22

I got you bro. Take my upvote!

4

u/lowteq Aug 13 '22

Not Steve!

3

u/DumbledoresGay69 Aug 13 '22

Not Steve that's for damn sure

3

u/freedombuckO5 Aug 13 '22

I mean Steve was charging her every night, until he started charging some other woman

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u/ill_temper3d_orifice Aug 13 '22

Either way, sounds like he got off cheap.

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u/TheMacMan Aug 13 '22

Much like those country songs women like about how they fucked up the guys truck and other things because they cheated. Sucks they cheated but that doesn’t mean you can legally destroy another’s property and she just admitted to multiple felonies. The cheating bastard will be laughing while she spends several years in prison.

8

u/RazekDPP Aug 13 '22

Honestly, the best revenge is living well. Yeah, it sounds lame when you're hurt, but it's the best mindset to have and will get you the best results.

38

u/circlebeetlewater Aug 13 '22

I had to look up the cost of a newspaper ad because I thought surely this couldn't be a felony, but holy shit a full page costs money.

49

u/drewster23 Aug 13 '22

In big newspapers in american cities sure, small-town local ones in Australia, not so much.

5

u/TheMacMan Aug 13 '22

Oh yeah, they’re big money for sure.

9

u/turquoise_amethyst Aug 13 '22

How much? I though this might be $300 or so?

26

u/circlebeetlewater Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

Like u/Ngothadei said, it varied from paper to paper but the bigger ones like Washington post were in the $100,000s and the smaller ones were anywhere from like $7,000 to $40,000.

In small town local papers it looks to just be a few hundred bucks.

https://fitsmallbusiness.com/newspaper-advertising-costs/

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u/Ngothadei Aug 13 '22

A full page advert on Washington Post or WSJ would cost you somewhere around $100000

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92

u/Lets_Hunt Aug 13 '22 Silver

The good news is these posts are always fake and this never actually happened.

182

u/IfOnlyIWasKvothe Aug 13 '22

Except this one actually did.

44

u/I-declare-bankruptsy Aug 13 '22

If you were kvothe, your story would never be finished

25

u/simenthora Aug 13 '22

Stop. A man can dream that one day there will be a book that comes out that completes the trilogy.

12

u/JonSatire Aug 13 '22

He's too busy being a twitch streamer and paying himself 100k a year to run a charity that gives donations to other charities to write anymore.

9

u/HunterBuns Aug 13 '22

Do you get banned for asking about book 3 in chat? Cause if not, I know what I'm doing for the next five years

5

u/JonSatire Aug 13 '22

It's been a bit since I've been in his chat but I remember people being timed out for it at a minimum

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u/orochi spamkillr Aug 13 '22

At least he'll live forever

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u/WhatTheFrellMystios Aug 13 '22

It made the news in South Australia last night.

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u/Hawvy Aug 13 '22

Jan, I love you.

Please come back. I realize I’m not blameless here…

Please.

Brought To You By The Pawnee Department Of Public Health.

66

u/Geeeeeeeeeear Aug 13 '22

Reelect Jan Cooper, Mayor of Whoreville

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u/Chancellor_Valorum82 Aug 13 '22

Chlamydia affects 100% of Jan Coopers

25

u/deepsea333 Aug 13 '22

Literally What I came here for.

Well done!

390

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22 Silver Gold

[removed] — view removed comment

302

u/Jennyferr0412 Aug 13 '22 Silver

wtf don't post my number.

91

u/SnooFoxes4646 Aug 13 '22

Jenny! Give us the sauce. Tell us what a dirty mother fucker he is!

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u/Nerrickk Aug 13 '22

I swear I'm not like the others before

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u/Jennyferr0412 Aug 13 '22

Whatever you say STEVE.

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u/LuftHANSa_755 Aug 13 '22

I can hear this through my screen lol

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u/maccdogg Aug 13 '22

You need to make Jenny yours

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u/groundspeek Aug 13 '22

That's my SISTER'S NUMBER. Hold on let me call her.

2

u/barofa Aug 13 '22

Steve, is that you?

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u/GreatXs Aug 13 '22

So call her maybe

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u/Kastranrob Aug 13 '22

I just met you..

9

u/dan_de Aug 13 '22

And this is crazy

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u/mindlessness228 Aug 13 '22

I just wish instead of the PS at the bottom it just had small line like a political ad that reads “This AD was paid for by Steve’s Credit Card”

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u/Eph2k Aug 13 '22

Plot twist: Jenny is his Stalker and Steve doesn't even know her

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u/diduputusername Aug 13 '22

This would make Forest Gump happy.

9

u/skmo8 Aug 13 '22

Even though I was was having sex with my good friend Margret without telling Jenny, she wrote me a letter and had the nice folks at the newspaper print it so it would be surprise.

36

u/Philboyd_Studge Aug 13 '22

Jenny Jenny, who can I turn to

17

u/OfCourseIKnowHim Aug 13 '22

You give me something that I can hold onto

11

u/Philboyd_Studge Aug 13 '22

I know you think I'm like the others before

13

u/OfCourseIKnowHim Aug 13 '22

Who saw your name and number on the wall

9

u/EdwardOfGreene Aug 13 '22

Jenny I've got your number

8

u/40angst Aug 13 '22

I need to make you mine!

6

u/coldaudio Aug 13 '22

Jenny, don't change your number!

10

u/majorclashole Aug 13 '22

Jenny assumes the whole town can read

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u/groundspeek Aug 13 '22

You really singled them out with just their first name... STEVE!

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u/durrtyurr Aug 13 '22

Small towns gonna small town. Even in a decently sized place how many couples with both the same first names are there going to be?

5

u/I_am_gettys Aug 13 '22

Except it's a city with 120k people

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u/thelonelyecho208 Aug 13 '22

I mean, slay girl boss but you just admitted to a serious crime

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u/Aprettygoodguy89 Aug 13 '22

Oh no.. not Jenny and Steve . They were such a lovely couple

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u/Anonymous1337666 Aug 13 '22

This could be used for slander...

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u/Andy85124 Aug 13 '22

Knows the difference between your and you’re. I think I love her.

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u/stereotastic Aug 13 '22

You could also just date the editor at the small town paper, i’ll bet s/he does it right.

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u/Ctfwest Aug 13 '22

Who buys newspapers anymore?

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u/MuzikPhreak Aug 13 '22

Steve and Jenny’s parents.

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u/darwin2500 Aug 13 '22

I feel like Steve has cause to sue the newspaper for knowingly accepting stolen funds here?

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u/vassogo Aug 13 '22

I think I love Jenny

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u/MacKelvey Aug 13 '22

I should have done this when I broke up with my ex after she cheated. Bravo Jenny.

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u/Trey33lee Aug 13 '22

She just committed a felony

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u/lostachilles Aug 13 '22

Not if she's a named user on the account.

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u/topchief1 Aug 13 '22

All this over some kisses?

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u/mikron2 Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

Thought I had to scroll way too far to find a reference. I looked it up, it’s been 8 7 years since that happened, no wonder why it doesn’t look like many people got it.

Edit* 7 years

6

u/MadnessYourDadness Aug 13 '22

8 years?! You’re joking

6

u/mikron2 Aug 13 '22

7 years, but yea. Feels like it was no more than 2-3.

7

u/MadnessYourDadness Aug 13 '22

Even 7 years doesn’t seem right, we’ve been here too long

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u/RPDRNick Aug 13 '22

She wants him to know... that she's happy for him... she wishes nothing but... the best... for... them both...

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u/LordMashie Aug 13 '22

What happens in Mackay stays in Mackay

3

u/stuckinaboxthere Aug 13 '22

Every Steve in town just starts sweating simultaneously

5

u/Independence_1991 Aug 13 '22

So is every Steve and Jenny in town confused….

10

u/Shodan30 Aug 13 '22

Jokes on Jenny, Steve can't read.

9

u/CountLazy Aug 13 '22

Don’t fuck with Jenny

Well, that’s what got Steve into trouble in the first place.

10

u/RobWK159 Aug 13 '22

Yeah nobody cares Jenny.

40

u/ranting_chef Aug 13 '22

Kind of surprised that the newspaper allowed her to use a form of payment that they knew wasn't intended for that purpose.

15

u/Njfurlong Aug 13 '22

It's my local paper, they didn't use his credit card.

62

u/agent_double_oh_pi Aug 13 '22

They didn't. It's a marketing stunt.

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u/throway_nonjw Aug 13 '22

the paper added a statement that said they didn't accept payment (for precisely reasons outlined) but printed it anyway.

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u/FantasticDingo4606 Aug 13 '22

The paper claims they didn’t charge her after all (probably because they knew it wouldn’t go too well for them if they did!)

4

u/JustNilt Aug 13 '22

If she was an authorized user on his card and he'd not gotten around to fixing that yet, it wouldn't be fraud. You might be surprised how common that sort of thing is. Not the ad, just a former partner not being cut off the instant they aren't a partner any longer.

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u/rucho Aug 13 '22

Yep this is why i come to Reddit. For fake content my dad would share on Facebook

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u/VictorZiblis Aug 13 '22

Did... she just buy an ad to announce she committed identity theft?

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u/Scythul Aug 13 '22

I think fucking with Jenny was fine. It was the fucking with people other than Jenny that caused a problem.

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u/Vhlorrhu Aug 13 '22

Actually, that caused this problem. You should fuck with Jenny. You should ONLY fuck with Jenny.

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u/OdysseyZen Aug 13 '22

Jenny from the block don't play

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u/skybrocker Aug 13 '22

Jenny was a friend of mine!

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u/blueswingline747 Aug 13 '22

Feel like there are a lot of Steve’s with a Jenny

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u/sugarmonku Aug 13 '22

I’m torn because while the use of first names only is leading me to think small town… everyone who has ever lived in a small town knows you don’t need to pay for a newspaper ad to get juicy gossip around fast. If this was a small town, everyone reading this paper already knew. Probably knew before Jenny even.

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u/iluvvivapuffs Aug 13 '22

Who still read town newsletter?

3

u/RazekDPP Aug 13 '22

Oof. Imagine confessing to credit card fraud like this.

3

u/ThirstyOne Aug 13 '22

Jenny just copped to credit card fraud.

3

u/DestroyTheHuman Aug 13 '22

Ooof, Dno if I would admit to credit fraud though.

6

u/juhziz_the_dreamer Aug 13 '22

haha stealing money is funny

dodged a bullet here fo sure

7

u/CargandoPiedras Aug 13 '22

An act like this one only reassures Steve's decision

4

u/NoisyCats Aug 13 '22

Just great… it’s in my head now… 8675309

5

u/amradoofamash Aug 13 '22

I'm seeing this number pop up a lot. Where are you guys getting it from? Am I missing some context?

3

u/Slappy_G Aug 13 '22

It's a famous song. Search it up.

5

u/DanteWolfe0125 Aug 13 '22

Bought with his credit card? Worth every Jenny...

4

u/1CFII2 Aug 13 '22

8-6-7-5-3-0-9 (8-6-7-5-3-0-9)

9

u/Anomalous-Entity Aug 13 '22

The last digit isn't 9 it's Ni-eee-ine.

5

u/VanFam Aug 13 '22

What does this mean? Loads of comments have put it, someone posted a link but I can’t view it in my country apparently?

7

u/nhguy03276 Aug 13 '22

In 1980's the band Tommy Tutone released a song titled "Jenny". Her phone number is 8-6-7-5-3-0-9

2

u/VanFam Aug 13 '22

Waah. Tommy Tutone’s video isn’t available in UK. Will have to watch later on my other device with a VPN. Is it a good song?

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u/Slappy_G Aug 13 '22

Just curious if you tried doing any searches for it. It should've come right up.

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u/A1A5KA Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

The movie Forest Gump ruined the name "Jenny." It used to be so wholesome. Now it represents that needy comearound bitch who stole his heart, whored it up, bent a few spoons and came crawling back with the sixth sense kid. Fuck a Jenny

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u/Druglord_Sen Aug 13 '22

His CC wouldn’t cover the word count to get his last name on there. It’s okay, surely she posted this to FB and tagged him.

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u/ElizabethDangit Aug 13 '22

When I was doing genealogy research I found a newspaper ad that one of my ancestors had placed back in the early 1800s. It essentially said, “Dear Steve, We’re fine. Don’t come home this time. You’re a waste of a human. Sincerely fuck off, Jenny”. One of the most surprising things I’ve ever found.

2

u/Deboones Aug 13 '22

🤣 ps….

2

u/SailorPochama Aug 13 '22

Giving Jan Cooper vibes. " Re-elect Jan Cooper, major of Whoreville"

2

u/Professional-Menu835 Aug 13 '22

Is there only one Steve in that town?

2

u/Greasy_Caveman Aug 13 '22

This kind of seems like something a crazy person would do after two dates that didn't really go anywhere.

2

u/every1luvsanunderdog Aug 13 '22

Jenny shoulda used his last name.

Also, nobody reads the paper anymore, so only a very small parta the town gonna know.

2

u/Fleshsuitpilot Aug 13 '22

Newly single call 867-5309