r/Tinder Sep 29 '22 Wholesome 2

Ahh yes

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41.2k Upvotes

12.7k

u/75Minnesota Sep 29 '22

I just want to know where the car is.

9.0k

u/Wonderful_Quality_99 Sep 29 '22 Helpful Wholesome

It got her preggo and left.

8.3k

u/SoDakZak Sep 29 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Narwhal Salute Bravo Grande! Table Slap

Can’t tell if it’s a smart car or a dump truck

2.4k

u/dannydelacruz3 Sep 29 '22 Gold Helpful

It was never her car just a Ford Escort for the night

2.1k

u/Scarbane Sep 29 '22 Gold Wholesome Seal of Approval

The next day, it was a Ford Escape

822

u/Raezzordaze Sep 29 '22

Dodge Ram maybe?

1.5k

u/Affectionate-Dark172 Sep 29 '22 Gold Platinum hehehehe

I think the Ram happened first, the Dodge happened right after.

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381

u/Vladmirk Sep 29 '22 Gold

Dodge Bullet perhaps?

135

u/ehern11 Sep 29 '22

I was thinking more like Dodge Sprinter

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414

u/Theedon Sep 29 '22

Maybe a Ford Probe

259

u/Rudy_Ghouliani Sep 29 '22

Started as a Ford Fiesta

128

u/Elusive_Zergling Sep 29 '22 Silver

Maybe she lives in Norway and it was a Fjord Escort

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206

u/racoongirl0 Sep 29 '22

The Ford woke up and regained its Focus. (Shitty car btw I drive one and do not recommend 😭)

116

u/M0ONL1GHT87 Sep 29 '22

We always called it a Ford fuckus

53

u/racoongirl0 Sep 29 '22

Put me off fords forever. I’m saving up for a new car and honestly don’t even want an American one anymore. Toyota sounds like a much more reliable bet.

26

u/M0ONL1GHT87 Sep 29 '22

I bought a Toyota recently and I’m so happy with it. Seat is great too btw

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12

u/aenonymosity Sep 29 '22

They look so nice, though. At least the hatchback...

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63

u/Austin_905 Sep 29 '22

Something Something Ford Fiesta.

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39

u/AbazabaYouMyOnlyFren Sep 29 '22

If it's gone, it's a smart car.

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42

u/skabassj Sep 29 '22

She must got the dump truck, that’s why she needs the car seat

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143

u/MatthewDanieltank Sep 29 '22

The car left to go get some oil and never returned

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72

u/Vaderisagoodguy Sep 29 '22

Lightning McQueen’s origin story?

20

u/CumFartSniffer Sep 29 '22

They be comin for dat cussy

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60

u/Subbbie Sep 29 '22

That would explain how she’s pregnant with being single for 10 months!

9

u/danieldemasi Sep 29 '22

This may explains the “no ONS”..

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45

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

[deleted]

11

u/ayiyi Sep 29 '22

shhh I’m still recovering from that movie

15

u/Conyeezy_West Sep 29 '22

Pulled the old Lightning McQueen card , he went under the hood , leaked some oil ,said KA CHOW, and then went on his merry way

60

u/Rekout Sep 29 '22

It blew it's load and hit the road

39

u/Dergctaroth Sep 29 '22

That would explain the 10 month single if she likes her car so much

32

u/Agreeable-Mode4198 Sep 29 '22

But that doesn’t explain how she’s only 6 months pregnant. Also did she lose the car or the pic?

20

u/Dergctaroth Sep 29 '22

She bang the car that the answer ! Also she lost the car then she lost the pic , this kid gonna grew up without even knowing how many wheels his dad has

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11

u/mexta Sep 29 '22

Human skin truck baby

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83

u/heyhellooo Sep 29 '22

I thought she lost the picture of her car. Took a minute to realised she lost the whole car.

16

u/brattybbg2039 Sep 29 '22

Same, was a bit confused for a bit why her losing a pic of her car has anything to do with needing someone to drive. Lol.

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194

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

101

u/Unfair_Presence7428 Sep 29 '22

Driving a tow truck through a trailer park will up your chances of getting laid by at least 30%, it’ll up your chance of getting a BJ by like 70%! Just remember 27% of all facts are made up… lol

13

u/lockwolf Sep 29 '22

I also have the feeling, depending on the trailer park, your chances of getting shot also goes up if you drive a tow truck through it

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9

u/McKrakahonkey Sep 29 '22

I can't say that I have ever dropped a car for sex but I have had my fair share of naked people chase after me when I did repossession.

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190

u/CoolBeansMan9 Sep 29 '22 Take My Energy

Dude, where’s her car?

84

u/WeirdSysAdmin Sep 29 '22

Where’s her car, dude?

35

u/SceneDeleted Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

DOOOOOD-AH

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149

u/boobearybear Sep 29 '22

First date is to drive her around looking for it.

126

u/galacticboy2009 Sep 29 '22

She signed a contract to pay for her car in payments.. and then didn't make the payments.

Repossessed by the bank or lender.

151

u/mschley2 Sep 29 '22

It's way more funny to think of her just parking it somewhere, walking away, and then forgetting where she left it.

10

u/JediCheese Sep 29 '22

A friends ex-GF did that. Actually had to call the cops thinking it was stolen.

Super hot and dumb as a box of rocks. Eventually became a PE teacher...

36

u/Maddie_Waddie_ Sep 29 '22

This is how my adhd trolls me

6

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

I once lost a bicycle this way - and my wife.

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18

u/canigooutsidesoon Sep 29 '22

I bet the guy who knocked her up took it..

30

u/AddDickT-d Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

She lost it...... 🤷‍♂️

21

u/ChrisKringlesTingle Sep 29 '22

nono she lost the pic

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6.9k

u/OmuraEkat Sep 29 '22 Helpful

How... how do you... lose a car?

2.6k

u/LoserUserBruiser Sep 29 '22

She parked it at a garage and never found it again.

635

u/BatmansNygma Sep 29 '22

Hope the goldfish made it

242

u/JFCThatsJasonBourne Sep 29 '22

98

u/matsdebats Sep 29 '22

I did not

26

u/L_viathan Sep 29 '22

I can't post the entire episode, so here is just 4 minutes of it. I do recommend finding it. S3.E6

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUsUu3XRJ4I

132

u/sippingtea Sep 29 '22

It's a Seinfeld reference

76

u/_Diskreet_ Sep 29 '22

Ah from the before-fore times

46

u/BackAlleySurgeon Sep 29 '22

Back in the long long ago

28

u/papitoluisito Sep 29 '22

Did the boom boom take away all your wordy word books?

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113

u/nokturnalxitch Sep 29 '22

That happened to my mom. She was getting her car fixed and the company lent her a substitution car meanwhile. She parked it in a mall's parking lot and went to run some errands. When she went back she couldn't find the car because she didn't remember what it looked like.

57

u/this_is_my_new_acct Sep 29 '22

Mine got stolen while I was in a convenience store once.

The cops didn't believe me because how unbelievable it was... accused me of being drunk and forgetting where I parked it.

They found it later.

33

u/cosmic_grayblekeeper Sep 29 '22

For some reason I read your first sentence as "I was in an inconvenience store" so your car being stolen there made total sense since it would be a major inconvenience.

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23

u/UnfilteredGarbage Sep 29 '22

Her life is living the series finale of Seinfeld

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10

u/Bludgeonation Sep 29 '22

Yeah but it was her own garage...

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850

u/Tickle_MeTimbers Sep 29 '22

Im guessing, either she wasnt making payments and it got repo'd or maybe it was a loaner from family or friend and they wanted it back.

234

u/noclownpornforyou Sep 29 '22

Or it’s the baby daddy’s and he took it back when they broke up

138

u/PFgeneral Sep 29 '22

Doesn't sound like they were ever together

198

u/AnActofGold Sep 29 '22

6 months pregnant, but single for 10. Hmmmm

52

u/BoRamShote Sep 29 '22

I didn't come here for math

19

u/snuFaluFagus040 Sep 29 '22

But you stayed for immaculate conception!

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25

u/ADAMxxWest Sep 29 '22

No hookups!

24

u/revcanon Sep 29 '22

It sounds like she learned from that mistake.

13

u/Geckko Sep 29 '22

Now she just needs to learn you can't get double knocked up

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29

u/5WEET_Cheeks_Karen Sep 29 '22

Oh, I thought she lost the picture of her car. Further thought she was just being polite in asking her future baby step-daddy to drive.

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123

u/NurseRatched4lyfe Sep 29 '22

I did lose my car in Brooklyn for 3 months. Turns out the city moved it for construction and I never got the notice because it was registered out of state.

77

u/galacticboy2009 Sep 29 '22

That's one very legit reason to make sure the address on your license plate / car registration is accurate.

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12

u/Lotionmotion1 Sep 29 '22

Happen to me once. I just called them and they told me they moved it around the corner.

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118

u/badmamerjammer Sep 29 '22

dude, where's my car?

45

u/innerg2012 Sep 29 '22

Dude, where's your car?

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263

u/SofaChillReview Sep 29 '22

I actually lost my car in Huddersfield. Went every week for a month to find it. Council found it near a gym, I’d parked it near Tescos before a party

134

u/AboveWaterTrapper Sep 29 '22

That’s Huddersfield for you. Couldn’t even drop a 2 pence piece without somebody running away with it.

87

u/SofaChillReview Sep 29 '22

Interestingly had the cheapest burger and chips there (while looking for the car) . £2.50 for burger and chips, didn’t feel well for a week after

72

u/Arild11 Sep 29 '22

Huddersfield will do that to you. Burger or not.

107

u/TheOuts1der Sep 29 '22 Evil Cackle

This comment thread is so British it colonized my homeland.

9

u/TerrorByte Sep 29 '22

By the end of this comment thread I found myself inexplicably in a queue..

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15

u/alsbjhasfkfjfh Sep 29 '22

I would say your car was stolen, not lost.

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19

u/Jopa46 Sep 29 '22

Funny enough, I got a friend who lost his car, bought a new one only to find the old car a few days later.

Group of friends went out and decided to have post drinking burgers around 2 am, parking was an issue so he left the car in a quiet street a few blocks away. The burger place offered alcohol so they got wasted. Friend goes to the car, turns it on. Realize how drunk he is so he decides to take a nap. Wakes up at home with no wallet or keys so he thinks he was robbed. Reports the car as stolen to the police. 6 month passed and nothing. One day a friend of his was waking in a quiet street and notices a similar looking car to the one missing. Gets closer and sees is the same. Door unlocked, Keys in the ignition, batteries dead.

We still don’t know what happened but our guess is that the driver got cold in the middle of his nap, and decided to walk home while still drunk.

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u/kittykittysnarfsnarf Sep 29 '22

Cant pay for impound/tow and it gets repoed. Happens to poor people all the time.

35

u/Dergctaroth Sep 29 '22

And if she lost something that big who can tell if she ever gonna find her child once out of her

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u/Thrwaway5476 Sep 29 '22

I think she lost the pic of the car. Not sure.

20

u/zylver_ Sep 29 '22

Have you never seen Dude; where’s my car?

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17

u/goldanred Sep 29 '22

At first I thought she meant she lost the pic of her car

28

u/DadFishFucker Sep 29 '22

Same way she lost the baby daddy. He took his car and got the fuck out of there.

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6.4k

u/po-tatters Sep 29 '22

No hookups or sex. Been single 10 months but 6 months pregnant.........

3.3k

u/TheAlchomancer Sep 29 '22

And she smokes...

1.7k

u/nanocactus Sep 29 '22

That kid is gonna have quite the head start.

470

u/A_WILD_SLUT_APPEARS Sep 29 '22

After reading this, I’m guessing it’s going to have quite the head, period.

257

u/ThatUblivionGuy Sep 29 '22 Silver

“Mum, mum, mum, mum, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, muma, muma, muma, muma, ma, ma, ma, ma, mum, mum, mummy”

“WHAT??!!”

“Hi… EEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE”

69

u/No-Emu-9992 Sep 29 '22

Hi Stewie!!

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33

u/TheGalacticOwl Sep 29 '22

if you consider death the finish line

58

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

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82

u/Madmonkeman Sep 29 '22

I just now made that connection how bad that is considering she’s pregnant

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202

u/Wonderful_Quality_99 Sep 29 '22

And drinks coffee.

179

u/Equivalent_Reason582 Sep 29 '22

Who said she drinks it? She only said she loves it. Probably stepping outside to smoke a couple K-cups right now

28

u/ATerrifyingStatue Sep 29 '22

Considering everything else going on here, a coffee enema seems viable too.

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104

u/Jimbo_themagnificent Sep 29 '22

Well she's not gonna make that mistake again. At least not for 3 more months.

61

u/BankSpankTank Sep 29 '22

Should be prime time for hook ups. At least can't get pregnant while already pregnant.

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u/Excellent_Salary_767 Sep 29 '22

Clearly, this is a virgin birth; providing for this woman and her child while having no sex whatsoever is clearly doing the lord's work. You should be honored (/s)

11

u/Lit-Mouse Sep 29 '22

They said he would be back!

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95

u/UpSideRat Sep 29 '22

She sounds like a cheating army wife

70

u/33446shaba Sep 29 '22

long time ago I dated a girl who was ok with her mom cheating on her Navy dad. Talk about a red flag noped out of that 2 weeks later. last I heard of her she was knocked up and engaged to a Marine. poor guy.

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u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

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113

u/TheBlackMobster Sep 29 '22

And she wants some poor soul to take her seriously

20

u/subdep Sep 29 '22

There is a special fella out there for her somewhere. But he’s probably in prison.

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u/theelinguistllama Sep 29 '22

Why do you think she’s against hookups now?

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5.4k

u/Rosaline2002954 Sep 29 '22

The amount of red flags here makes this absolutely hilarious 🤣🤣🤣

2.0k

u/koskenjuho Sep 29 '22

Whole bio in short: I need someone who can help me afford parent my baby

876

u/PepperoniFogDart Sep 29 '22

Who will probably have health problems because I smoke.

191

u/xSTSxZerglingOne Sep 29 '22

My wife and all of her siblings have health issues from their parents smoking with them while they were little.

Brother has COPD, both sisters have asthma, and my wife is very sensitive to perfumes and other aerosols.

53

u/LadyPink28 Sep 29 '22

My best friend died after giving birth to her baby. She smoked throughout and im thinking its what caused her toxemia that killed her.

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u/SchminkingOfGin Sep 29 '22

And loves coffee

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u/starx9 Sep 29 '22

No one noticed no sex? And no sex either because the guy that got her pregnant soooo…I guess she’s looking for a guy to do all the work and no sex.

274

u/Heyo__Maggots Sep 29 '22

The people with ‘no hookups!!!’ written in their profile always always always have more one night stands than anyone else on the app. The more they emphasize it, the more untrue it is…

76

u/AileStriker Sep 29 '22

How do you think she got pregnant?

57

u/Affectionate-Dark172 Sep 29 '22

Divine intervention

29

u/Rockden66 Sep 29 '22

Ah yes, the Skywalker way

24

u/J3ditb Sep 29 '22

god simply plagiarized from george lucas

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u/netheroth Sep 29 '22

Holy Ghosting date that ran away

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u/peachesgp Sep 29 '22

Especially since she's 6 months pregnant and 10 months single.

25

u/a_duck_in_past_life Sep 29 '22

She doesn't even realize she's let that on probably

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u/GillviaPlath Sep 29 '22

lol I never hookup but I have noticed that everyone completely disregards that disclaimer when interacting with me, maybe that’s why! Maybe I should just delete it

51

u/blockchaaain Sep 29 '22

No joke, it's totally a thing that at this point is taken to mean "more likely to hookup".
Your messages probably will improve if you delete it.

26

u/GillviaPlath Sep 29 '22

Well, that’s good to know. I was just trying to be upfront and not disappointing as one of the 3 tinder users on earth not strictly seeking to bang 😅

15

u/RakeishSPV Sep 29 '22

Power of suggestion: having it in your bio will make people think of it.

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u/blockchaaain Sep 29 '22

There are at least a few lol

Other apps might be better about it. Maybe Bumble?

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u/samettinho Sep 29 '22

I am not sure what to fear the most. The fact that a guy will daddy in 3 months should be the reddest of all flags but she doesn't care about the baby is also a big one.

14

u/Pndrizzy Sep 29 '22

I mean, she’s a smoker while pregnant…

28

u/lesbianmathgirl Sep 29 '22 Pranked!

You gotta appreciate the honesty though. She lays it all out on the table.

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u/VinDieseled Sep 29 '22

I honestly just feel bad for bios like this. I know she is probably crazy but the chances she finds some nice guy who can reel her in are loooow. Usually just someone that continues her troubles. Hope she finds someone good. Not me. Goodness no. But someone!

9

u/gustavfrigolit Sep 29 '22

Okay but the nice guys deserve better than someone with this terrible judgment lol

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u/anzapp6588 Sep 29 '22

This girl thinks she’s an absolute CATCH.

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u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

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1.8k

u/Isopod-Which Sep 29 '22 Helpful Take My Energy

Not looking for hookups - got knocked up 4 months into being single. Smokes while pregnant. Lost her car (wtf)??

That’s a hard right swipe for me. I can fix her.

703

u/jubilantxf Sep 29 '22 Wholesome

You swipe right because you want to fix her

I swipe right because I want to ruin her even more

We are not the same 🗿

226

u/WEINER_SCHLAP Sep 29 '22

Not a chance, a person like this ruins themselves and drags you under with them.

47

u/WeinMe Sep 29 '22

I'm already under

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u/Pecheuer Sep 29 '22

You underestimate my power

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u/pathofdumbasses Sep 29 '22

Bro how do you ruin a fucking tire fire?

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u/green49285 Sep 29 '22

The hero we're all glad we are not. 🤣

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1.7k

u/tracehen Sep 29 '22

single 10 months, 6 months pregnant, but somehow doesn’t do hookups.. something doesn’t add up here

1.0k

u/ptvlm Sep 29 '22

She did hookups in the past. Now, she wants someone to raise the child and provide transport for her while she considers getting back to them. But, you can't ask her to change just because she implies she's smoking while pregnant and otherwise completely unprepared to have a kid!

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u/KvK_07 Sep 29 '22

The sperms were slower than the brain of the person she hooked up with. Took a few months to reach the egg.

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u/progwog Sep 29 '22

Doesn’t do hookups ANYMORE since she needs someone to provide money/coparenting.

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u/BLKxGOLD Sep 29 '22

Dude…tte…..Dudette, where’s my car?

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535

u/anotherone121 Sep 29 '22

She gotta be a troll, right?

righhhhttt??

102

u/Sonnenschwein Sep 29 '22

We can only hope.

45

u/Excellent_Salary_767 Sep 29 '22

I've seen more fucked up shit than this. I think it's just a standard entitled/trashy combo

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u/emilyeverafter Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

I know that /r/niceguys shows a lot of dudes who say ALL WOMEN FUCK CHADS AND ONLY WANT A NICE GUY FOR MONEY AND HELP RAISING CHAD'S KIDS.

So maybe?

But this also reads like a woman wrote it, at least to me, and as much as I roll my eyes at "nice" guys, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

EDIT: It very fun to see how some people react to /r/niceguys being mentioned on /r/Tinder. I probably won't do that again, but it was entertaining. I'm not going to reply to any more comments because the sun is coming out after a hurricane and I have grass to go touch!

My point was that this woman is a trashy stereotype of women come to life, and as much as I wish I could believe this is fake, I believe this woman is a real person on Tinder. Tinder can be a dumpster dive of the worst of the singles in your area, that much is true for everyone.

98

u/VigilantOfStendar Sep 29 '22

As someone who sees this shit all the time in my local online dating pool, I believe this as a real profile 100000%. Probably around 1 in 50. Not saying youre wrong about the whole nice guy thing but

I'd simplify this post with as; Trashy people are trashy.

Done deal.

10

u/KoreTen Sep 29 '22

I once matched with a woman who had a kid who was barely a year old AND was three months pregnant with another (I found this out through messages because it wasn’t in her profile). Matched with another and soon found out she had 6 kids. Two or three kids was quite common. Saw a profile where the girl asked guys to pay for her babysitter for the privilege of going on a first date with her. The stuff you see on Tinder is just wild.

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u/Accomplished_Fly4222 Sep 29 '22

This look more like a minesweeper than just a red flag!

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u/FireyToots Sep 29 '22

i'm not going shame this young lady for her clearly bad choices in her life. i am very much going to judge the shit outta her for smoking while pregnant. idiot.

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u/inevitableequal833 Sep 29 '22

this is like if someone tried to make the worst tinder bio of all time but it’s in real life

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u/alligatorkingo Sep 29 '22

It looks like the Chinese Communist party parade, full of red flags.

22

u/that_typeofway Sep 29 '22

“I can fix her” /s

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u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

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u/bearhandsbearhands Sep 29 '22

6 months pregnant but proudly smokes, ooft

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u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

No hookups... because that last one knocked me up.

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u/_Grouch_ Sep 29 '22

Sounds like wifey material

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u/ReflexReact Sep 29 '22

So let me get this straight:

  • she doesn’t want hook ups, but has been single for 10 months and got pregnant 6 months ago
  • she’s pregnant but smokes
  • she doesn’t like time wasters but doesn’t mention the fact she’s pregnant until near the end

Jesus this must be a record

22

u/N-aNoNymity Sep 29 '22

Lost(?) her car.

Somehow thinks having a picture of it is something that needs to be mentioned.

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u/Potential_Ebb819 Sep 29 '22

At least she can’t get pregnant

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u/SacreCoeurOF Sep 29 '22

My friend lost her car once, found it the next morning 5 houses down.

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u/BlackBirdG Sep 29 '22

In b4 she complains about the lack of quality matches.

I'll definitely swipe left...she sounds way too much.

19

u/FlamingLobster Sep 29 '22

Too much?

You're being generous there

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