r/MadeMeSmile Aug 12 '22 Wholesome 67 Silver 26 Helpful 27 Glow Up 1 Take My Energy 1 Vibing 1 Gold 1

(OC) Woke up to this after having a shitty past few days Wholesome Moments

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56.5k Upvotes

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u/Proxymal Aug 12 '22 Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy

You have no idea how rare these kind of people are. Don't let that friendship slip.

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u/uglybudder Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Heartwarming Wholesome (Pro)

It’s true. Super rare

Edit: just wanted to also say, don’t forget to reciprocate this. A smol story real quick.

I am this guy… I didn’t have good family so when I found friends I always treated them like family. I’m 35 now and I’ve been burned by friends I thought were close but after the friendship ended (talking like 4 year friendship) the hind sight was 2020 and I realized it was a bit one sided. I’m starting to become jaded and less trusting these days after another recent burn from someone that turned out to just be using my kindness. I do have a friend from highschool that said me calling and keeping up with him changed him and made him better. Now he calls his friends and keeps up with them too.

Don’t forget about us homies pouring into you… we need it too.

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u/HarryPottersElbows Aug 13 '22

I definitely haven't had one like this and any time I try to be this person, I think I'm just irritating them...

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u/FromUnderTheBridge09 Aug 13 '22 Helpful

For real.

My bro is going through a fucked up divorce. He's got kids and everything. Just messy.

He's hustling his fucking ass at his new FedEx job. Really found a new spark.

I try to message him like every other day when I don't hear from him.

I don't want to be another thing he's gotta deal with. So I just poke him. Like, bro check out this funny video. Asking him how he's doing. He calls a few times and pours his heart out.

But I don't wanna be the one to remind him. Like, by me saying "hey bro how you doing?" might remind him shits bad when he gets one of those moments where you're up.

I don't know. I guess we're all people and we fuck up. All I know is that I'm gonna keep asking. I'd rather be the annoying concerned friend. The alternative might be "I wish I was there for him" and I don't want to live my life knowing I could have done more.

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u/BCVinny Aug 13 '22 Silver

Here’s the thing man. He’s thinking about it anyhow. Like if a buddy has a death in his family. I used to not know what to do or say because what if he cries?

Then after I lost my mum - she was 50 and I was 26 - It got easier. Now I know that he’s either thinking about it, just thought about it 5 minutes ago, or will 5 minutes from now.

So now I say the stuff right out. And if they cry, then I hug them. Even sitting quietly beside them says a lot. Don’t think that your words will make it better, your sharing the situation with them will help. Some days a little, some days a lot.

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u/FromUnderTheBridge09 Aug 13 '22

I like your views. We gotta be there more for each other as guys. I am fortunate that a close group of us meet up every summer. A buddy of ours had a childhood friend who made the "final decision" and to see him torn up rocked me.

I told all my friends that weekend that they can stay in my guest room, no rent, no utilities, no food cost. No fucking questions asked and no judgements made.

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u/morgandaxx Aug 13 '22

Seeing this thread is so fucking uplifting. I'm thrilled to see men actively working to change the misguided "men need to be stoic and not emotional" tropes. Fuck yes men need to be emotional and supportive to each other! It's not just a nice thing to do, it's essential and can literally save a life.

Thanks everyone so much for sharing all this. You're all amazing and I know you might get burned sometimes but please keep reaching out to each other. So much kudos!

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u/LongArmYouLiar1013 Aug 13 '22

This 🙌🏾… Loosing ones mom. Is.. incredibly lonely. The western culture leaves no space for grieving no space for real feelings. If it’s not about the next consumer product or some bulls**t politics nobody knows what to talk to each other about when people are hurting.

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u/DrVoltage1 Aug 13 '22

^ fantastic advice.

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u/DisturbedNocturne Aug 13 '22

Like, by me saying "hey bro how you doing?" might remind him shits bad when he gets one of those moments where you're up.

The thing is, you don't necessarily have to say "How you doing?" Just reaching out and saying hello or inviting them to do something or saying "What's up?" can be just as valuable since it still signals that you're thinking about them.

That said, I also don't think there's anything wrong with reaching out to a friend and saying, "How you doing?" I have a friend who has a seriously ill family member, and that's what I've been doing. I don't look at it as reminding him of anything, because he's already perfectly aware of it. What I am doing is giving him an outlet if he wants to talk about it.

This may be going off on a separate tangent, but as a guy, I think this a really important thing to offer to your bros. Men too often are taught to just bury their feelings down and not talk about shit, but that's not healthy. I'm a firm believer that a big part of being a good friend is letting your friends know you're there if they need someone to talk to.

I'd rather be the annoying concerned friend. The alternative might be "I wish I was there for him" and I don't want to live my life knowing I could have done more.

Exactly. You are being a good friend.

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u/Eldenlord1971 Aug 13 '22

My sister being glued to me after my divorce is what got me through it to the point that I was able to restart my engine extremely quick like 3 weeks after my ex left. Help your people, people

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u/FromUnderTheBridge09 Aug 13 '22

You doing good bro? You sound like it.

Shit sucks sometimes. But like you said we help your people. Let's continue to promote this attitude

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u/Eldenlord1971 Aug 13 '22

Yep long good. Engaged to a woman who actually cares about me

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u/FromUnderTheBridge09 Aug 13 '22

Fuck yes! Happy for you! I went through the shit years ago. Married the one who got away. We have an 8 month old little girl now.

Let's keep this positivity fit the bros up.

Too many dudes I know making permanent decisions to temporary problems

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u/commanderquill Aug 13 '22

It's a tough line to walk. On one hand, not asking how your friend's doing might make them feel like their struggles have gone unnoticed. On the other hand, I was that struggling friend. My dad was in the hospital with a rare autoimmune disease for five months. I was his power of attorney. I was battling the hospital and school and all in the middle of COVID. When my cousin (or anyone else, but I explicitly remember my cousin) asked me how things were going I ignored him because oh my god I've had to live this in real time and now I have to expend the emotional effort to catch you up? Reliving all of it? When it's every second of every day already? When I just want a fucking break?

I think maybe a "by the way, I hope you know I'm thinking about you/I hope things are going better for you. If you need to talk, let me know. In the meantime here's this funny video" might be the most ideal approach. But yours is also pretty damn fantastic.

Anyway I just wanted to add my two cents on how much I appreciate humans like you because I know there will be people who think your approach should be different.

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u/idigsquirrels Aug 13 '22

In my experience it’s NEVER bad to ask “how are you”. Maybe not 6 times per day, but a few times per week is never bad. You can even ask, if you never get a reply, if they’d prefer that you don’t bother them so often. But mostly, even if you don’t always get a response, you don’t need to worry about “reminding them”

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u/Fl1ck_04 Aug 13 '22

Same..but I just found the same person as this..and I also do the same thing..it's super rare to find a person with the same mindset

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u/AnyScientist6603 Aug 13 '22 Wholesome Hugz

You hold on to that dear friend for life. You hear me? I lost mine. 19 years best friend might as well have been my brother. Suddenly gone. I am old now, family man, got shit to do, got things to take care of, but not a single day has passed that i havent thought of him. I know you're going through some shit. Life is a roller coaster, up and down, just ride it out knowing you got bro like that sittin in the seat next to you.

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u/Fl1ck_04 Aug 13 '22 Hugz

U almost made me tears up..I will try my best to hold it..as long as I can..so far even though we only knew each other for like 3 weeks it felt like he had known for more than a year...

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u/LoidForger_1945 Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

I just went through this. He passed last year at the age of 17. I was this just like person to him, it hurts being reminded of him. Cuz I remember that he’s now gone. I didn’t even go to the funeral cuz i had a panic attack just hearing that it was open casket. I barely feel anything anymore. Luckily I found family in my highschool friend group. They’ve been helping feel again slowly

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u/MindfuckRocketship Aug 13 '22

Sorry for your loss. :(

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u/LoidForger_1945 Aug 13 '22

Thank you. It’s been rough year but it’s slowly getting better

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u/DisturbedNocturne Aug 13 '22

I had a friend comment to me recently how rare it is to find friends like this, and it struck me as such an odd comment that made no sense to me. Isn't that the whole point of being someone's friend? But then I thought about it, and yeah, I can definitely think of many friends I've had throughout my life that never would've gone to these lengths for me.

Definitely gotta hold onto those friends when you find them, and make sure you're reciprocating and making them know how much it's appreciated and valued.

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u/Weak_Chanc Aug 13 '22

How is everything going? Have you been eating? Please make sure to. And booze might be tempting, but it only

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u/uglybudder Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

There’s a balance… and also, there needs to be rapport … you can’t just send messages like this to someone that’s more of an acquaintance. Some people don’t understand what friend really means. They mistake acquaintances for friends and have unrealistic expectations. This guy obviously had the kind of real relationship with op that first, prompted the check ins and second, made him feel comfortable enough to do so.

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u/neonKow Aug 13 '22

Not disagreeing with anything, but you're probably looking for the word "rapport" when you say

repor

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u/Flimsy-Practice-9703 Aug 13 '22

you can’t just send messages like this to someone that’s more of an acquaintance

Im out here sending shit like this to people i dont even know

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u/Similar_Tale_5876 Aug 13 '22

This is a great point. If you don't know someone really, really well, this is crossing a lot of boundaries - but it's fantastic support for someone who is struggling if you know them well enough to truly be there for them even in the moments that they can't give friendship back.

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u/Weird_Softwar Aug 13 '22

That's a friend. Simple as that.

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u/OneSensiblePerson Aug 13 '22

Been there, done that.

Don't allow yourself to get jaded, learn from your past mistakes.

Recently I backed off from a friend because I realised in terms of reciprocity, it was about 70/30, and that's not comfortable. I should have backed off when I first noticed I was usually the one calling, texting, or suggesting we get together.

She hasn't reached out that much to me since I've done that, and although I still like her, now I know the friendship isn't what I thought it was.

But someone else will be that friend.

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u/iolp12 Aug 13 '22

I hate that I’m the 30 friend. I get so much anxiety texting first and asking to hang out. Sometimes we do really want to hang out but it’s hard 😞

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u/corgi_booteh Aug 13 '22

Let them know - it goes a long way

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u/Caffeine_Cowpies Aug 13 '22

This. Can’t read your mind, but you need to trust me and at least let me know that I matter.

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u/Trexx-007 Aug 13 '22

Just know that friends like you are appreciated and sometimes it just feels like it's your or our cross to bear. Dont let people change who you are, don't stop caring just because you don't get the same energy back. It takes a special person to fulfill that role and you're saving lives and people as you go along and the day will come when it's your turn and someone will hold you up and give you all that energy back.

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u/uglybudder Aug 13 '22

It’s definitely not about doing it FOR the reciprocation… it just sucks learning you weren’t valued and taken advantage of when those types of people do that. I’m definitely feeling I need to be more reserved with my kindness…. There are people that will leach and manipulate to use you… I just gotta be smarter about recognizing

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u/drewster23 Aug 13 '22

Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Don't give more(energy,time, emotional capacity etc) then you can bare , especially if you're getting nothing in return.

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u/owlpee Aug 13 '22

Damn. I needed to hear that.

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u/Durean Aug 13 '22

Damn this really resonated with me. I didn’t get to keep friends through a chunk of my childhood, family would move almost each school year and after a while I just gave up trying. Some reason people would approach me and try making friends. Was only after I got to go to the same school with them for a few years did I actually try and realized how much I missed having friends. I became this same person and would like to check up with them and see how they were doing. It wasn’t always reciprocated and it crept up in my head that I might be bothering them. Then the typical post high school hits and we all just went out separate ways. Now a decade later I have never really spoken to any of them. Thought I made some friends through a video game and I let my guard down and tried to be that person again and would try to lift them up and be a sort of cheerleader for them and looking back it’s because I have hated myself and was never comfortable with myself even all the way back in high school so I clinged to them to I guess get some external validation to try and get some evidence I wasn’t the piece of shit I thought I was. About a year ago I guess I just couldn’t do it anymore. It felt like I was pouring more of myself into them and avoiding myself and I just fucked it and I threw it all away. Lost my girlfriend, my friends and I spiraled down to the darkest places I’ve been in my life. Still a colossal struggle but I guess I need to give myself even a tiny bit of credit for continuing like my therapist have said.

Sorry for this unwarranted colossal fucking rant but if nothing else I believe in you and hope for the best for all of you out there. It’s a fucked up world we live in but you’ve made it this far, you’re a god damn fighter and everyday you choose not to give up is a victory and a giant middle finger to all the darkness.

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u/uglybudder Aug 13 '22

Just recognize your own value and take care of yourself. You’re worth it bro! Stay strong pony boy. Glad you got that off your chest

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u/Promo2222 Aug 13 '22

Just know I felt this the long way my G, and I’m pulling for you wherever you are. Glad to hear you’re going to therapy too, it’s made all the difference on this side.

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u/BobIoblaw Aug 13 '22

Trying to snag a top comment (and I have no part in this story). I personally have a friend that had planned his suicide. On the evening he was about to do it, he got a call from a friend (something along the lines of this): “dude, just finished at the gym and I want some Moe’s (quick Mexican joint in the US)! What do you want me to get for you and I’ll bring it over?”

That was a decade ago (at least) and I still have my friend.

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u/IronSheikYerbouti Aug 13 '22

Been there myself - just a few years older than you.

And you know what? I'm still going to go out of my way to help folks. Because while some may try to take advantage, there are others who really, really appreciate it. Whether or not they can say it out loud or have the ability to return the favor.

And if I have just one person who I've helped get through something shitty - it was worth it.

And if they went and helped someone else, even better.

Sometimes you need a mental break though, I get that, so don't forget to pour some of that kindness back to yourself. For me I just need to see my kids or my wife happy and I'm back at 100% no matter what happened that day.

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u/beldaran1224 Aug 13 '22

Something to consider. When you have been brought up in/with unhealthy relationships, it's really easy to not know what one looks like. Sometimes, this sort of thing can be exhausting for friends, especially if you kind of "love bomb" early in a new friendship.

Its important to give friendships time to grow before you start treating them like family. Not because they might hurt you, but because coming on too strong is as much a problem for friendships as for romantic relationships.

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u/GRANDMAST3R08 Aug 13 '22

Almost similar story with me.. I've since just not been trusting except to this one kid at work.

He comes from an Asian background and its his first job. Never (& i mean never) missed a single day of work in the whole year he's worked here. Kids 23 and has a degree in Architectural Designs but works at a factory cause no one has hired him yet.

Long story short, been seeing him burnt out and made it my personal business to take him out for an activity once every two weeks. Now i've had him focus one task a week that brings him joy to do.

Look after the homies

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u/Turhamkey Aug 13 '22

I needed to hear this right now. I'm getting jaded after feeling like I've tried so hard to make sure some people are okay, but those people cast me aside as soon as they don't need me. It feels that way anyways.

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u/Mitochandrea Aug 13 '22

Unfortunately I think it’s human nature to take things for granted when they are very easy to come by. I don’t have a solution but just think even if you don’t remain friends with someone being a net positive when you were in their life had an impact. I hope you find some friends as thoughtful as you one day 😊

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u/TheCubeCubeCube Aug 13 '22

That’s nice to hear. Are you yourself doing ok though?

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Hi me.

It sucks

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u/BlackberryOpen974 Aug 13 '22

I am also 35 lost my best friend. Wanna be bros

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u/bearnakedrabies Aug 13 '22

You're a good person. Just keep doing that. I'm happy folks like you are in the world.

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u/VibeComplex Aug 13 '22

Homie just not responding and shit lol.

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u/aeroumasmith- Aug 13 '22

I know, I'm a little miffed by that too. They care, please say something.

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u/MainSpecialist4066 Aug 13 '22

I have heard, first hand from someone who is struggling from a debilitating illness, that it’s too exhausting to reply, and to not be offended if they dont reply.

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u/hypothesiz Aug 13 '22

I tried this but I think I may have came off as annoying

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

The right person will appreciate you, be you. Always be as kind as you like to be but don’t let people take advantage of it. You are a rare person but never annoying

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u/hypothesiz Aug 13 '22

Thanks for the reminder, I think I really needed it. Though sometimes it's hard to tell whether they're actually going through hell or what not

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u/ElNido Aug 13 '22

Some people feign going through it for attention, really sucks and cynical, but people do that and you'll notice they magically bounce back better than ever without saying anything or acknowledging what's been going on. Just learn from their patterns and don't give them that attention next time. Of course, it is a little more complicated than I'm saying it is.

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u/Solareq Aug 13 '22

Thank you, I have or had a tendency of sending a lot of stuff, it went bad, and now I just feel like a creep if I'd do something like that. Bad experiences...

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/Compost_My_Body Aug 13 '22

I mean they said never message them again, I would assume cold and distant is a given…

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u/NoNamePaper5 Aug 13 '22

Same. Apparently it might not be that annoying?

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u/INFP_A816 Aug 13 '22

I do it as well. I feel like I'm bugging them but, I know if it were me I'd truly appreciate it so I try to keep that in mind and not take it personal if they don't reply

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u/guccigenshin Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

Same, seeing ppl praise this is jarring. I tried this during the COVID lockdown but stopped bc it felt unwanted. My true homies obv did reply but there were quite a few who never did, but would proceed to treat me as normal when we finally see did see each other post lock down, which was strange. I get that it's hard for ppl to respond, but if ppl really want to normalize this kind of behavior, then maybe express it, even if it's super super late. Edit: Can you guys please read my post carefully? Where does it even imply that I expect immediate responses from friends who are struggling..? Some of these responses are so presumptuous and just remind me how demoralizing these kind of efforts are because you just assume people like me are completely emotionless, completely oblivious to depression/other hardships and could simply never relate. That's really thoughtless and naive.

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u/hypothesiz Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

Totally agree. Normally, it's the person who cares who's gonna get hurt. It's not fun to get the short end of the stick

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u/OoDoeDarlingoO Aug 13 '22

You are so right

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u/abbynormal44667 Aug 12 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Hugz Press F

My wife died on a thursday. No one checked on me for a solid week. Definitely message this person.

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u/InappropriateIam Aug 13 '22

Damn bro. It’s Friday 7:56 cst, wanna chat? Ain’t doing shit but cooking

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u/weirdturnspro Aug 13 '22

He said on “a” Thursday not “this” Thursday..he also said at least a week had passed before anyone checked on him so no it did not happen yesterday..not sure why everyone seems to think it did.

Sorry for your loss OC.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22 I'll Drink to That

[deleted]

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u/JayGogh Aug 13 '22

This guy detectives!

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u/Wonderful-Bear1729 Aug 13 '22

Or just has basic reading comprehension

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u/__lia__ Aug 13 '22

or logic puzzles!

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u/Infinite-Sleep3527 Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Faith In Humanity Restored

How is everything going? Have you been eating? Please make sure to. And the booze might be tempting, but it only makes things worse in the long run. Trust me as an alcoholic in recovery, one that used to drink 20+ units a day, years ago. Stay away. It’s a sort of bandaid, but one that actually infects the wound, one that makes it even worse in the long run. It makes you fester and rot, it poisons you from the inside out. Stay away from it, even if the short term relief is tempting.

Time heals all wounds. Even ones as profoundly deep as yours. Keep that chin up, for your wife, if not for yourself.

My deepest condolences, even if I am just a stranger on the Internet. I’m still human, and I still feel your pain from even continents away. No man is an island.

Please, be well. Take care of yourself.

Edit: thank you so much for the awards, I appreciate you. but please give them to the user I was replying to instead of me. Though, I do appreciate the sentiment. It just feels weird for me to be getting them when that original poster has gone through so much. I really, really insist.

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u/Cot_Kev Aug 13 '22

the sole reason why i love reddit, its the only place where i can find things like these

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u/Ray3x10e8 Aug 13 '22

We redditors might be horny. But we are one big family.

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u/BangingABigTheory Aug 13 '22

I’m so sorry man, I know this is superficial after so many people have reached out to you I just want you to know I hope you are doing okay and if you need anything from me that I can help with from potentially thousands of miles away you let me know and I will help. I’m so sorry to hear about your wife.

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u/Winterdevil0503 Aug 13 '22

Does time heal all wounds? It heals wounds but definitely not up to 100% depending on how severe what happened was.

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u/ZeroJackOogie Aug 13 '22

Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Time helps you adapt to living with that wound. Sometimes it’s deep and sometimes it’s shallow but she’s always with you if you let her.

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u/Echorai Aug 13 '22

It's been nearly two years since my dad passed away. I don't think time restores you whole, but it is worth remembering what was in the scars left behind. The grief is a representation of the bond you had. I like to go back to this comment from over a decade ago where another user articulates it beautifully.

https://reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/_/c1u0rx2/?context=1

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u/policylimits Aug 13 '22

Dude, I am sorry and seriously go to a support group even if it’s at some dumb mega church bs… just ignore whatever religion stuff that isn’t your cup of tea and go for the community…

If you think you don’t need it then go for the person in the group who needs you.

The world is literally full of people who want to love you and people who are going through the same thing and need to see you survive it so they can too.

I’m so sorry dude.

Edit: just saw you said “a Thursday” … not just “Thursday” … was under the impression this just happened and you were in the total thick of it… hope life has gotten better my man!

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u/SkyesMomma Aug 13 '22

Jeezus. I'm sorry for this. My oldest friend, when I was a few provinces away tending to my father during his unexpected end of life stage called me at least every single day. I didn't always answer, but she kept calling. I think of this and try to emulate this in other aspects of my life.

I'm sorry you lost your wife xo

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u/galaxyeyes47 Aug 13 '22

How you doing pal? Need anything? Must be a hard time for you right now but if you need anything, I’m right here.

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u/MalinWaffle Aug 13 '22

Oh my gosh. How are you holding up? Are you getting any sleep?

Please care for yourself as much as you can. We often forget ourselves in times of crisis: forget to eat, drink, brush our teeth, etc. Try to remember to be kind and gentle with yourself.

Sending Reddit stranger hugs.

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u/MaikohTippy Aug 13 '22

Wow, I’m SO sorry to hear that!!!! Take care of yourself, friend. My heart goes out to you.

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u/peacock_head Aug 13 '22

This is terrible, I’m so sorry. I hope you are taking care of yourself. These are hard days for a lot of people and their silence doesn’t mean you aren’t loved.

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u/bizonebiz Aug 13 '22

I’d call. I’m so sorry for your loss and the isolation. Holding you close from afar, my friend.

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u/BadWolf7426 Aug 13 '22

I am so sorry for your loss, may her memory be a blessing.

And I'm sorry for your lack of support and love during a terrible time. Do you have counseling available?

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u/rvtsazap Aug 13 '22

@u/abbynormal44667, sorry for your loss. I know you are going through some tough time now. Stay strong, your wife would like you to stay strong.

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u/Uroboros1 Aug 13 '22

So sorry to hear that. I hope you’re doing okay. Take care of yourself as much as you can and reach out to someone to talk to. Talking to a professional can be really beneficial if you’re open to it

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u/chele68 Aug 13 '22

I’m so so sorry for your loss.

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u/Any-Competition-8605 Aug 13 '22

i am so sorry, i send my condolences.

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u/mokushi_mood Aug 12 '22

This fella is some high quality human ! Very inspiring. It's so so so rare. Hoping you're doing well, take care of yourself (and of your incredible mate !). ✨

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u/Exciting_Display7460 Aug 12 '22

Everyone needs this bro in their life

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u/D4venport Aug 13 '22 Helpful

Absolutely. But, to have this bro in our life, we need to be this bro in theirs.

It's simple, but sometimes I forget to live it.

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u/RengarMain15500 Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

But a bro should get an answer so he knows that his words were actually heard and what he's doing is the right thing. If you just don't get any answer at all, you maybe question whether you're annoying the other person. At least I would, if I write somebody and I'm worried about that person and I'd be left on read for several days and messages.

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u/Plop_drop_Mgee Aug 13 '22

Many people have had this bro and don't reciprocate, or just don't reply at all. Many people lose this kind of bro because of it. It's not a one way street and a lot of the time bro's be doing this as part of the 'do unto others' mantra, but get beaten down because it's not done unto them.

I've dropped multiple people in my life I've supported like this because all they do is take and never give back, when the tables are turned they pretend to look the other way and not see.

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u/FragranceCandle Aug 13 '22

Literally nothing hurts more than to realize you aren’t worth even a couple of thumb-movements to someone you’d drop your whole week to help

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u/westphal87 Aug 12 '22

That's a friend. Simple as that.

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u/konkey-mong Aug 13 '22

Why is he being ghosted?

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u/formerly_matt Aug 13 '22

Marry him

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u/0_GoThBoI_0 Aug 13 '22

If I liked him that way I honestly would but he’s my bro

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u/AmbroseIrina Aug 13 '22

I swear I just finished reading the messages and instantly thought about this gif

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u/Droophoria Aug 13 '22

You hold on to that dear friend for life. You hear me? I lost mine. 19 years best friend might as well have been my brother. Suddenly gone. I am old now, family man, got shit to do, got things to take care of, but not a single day has passed that i havent thought of him. I know you're going through some shit. Life is a roller coaster, up and down, just ride it out knowing you got bro like that sittin in the seat next to you.

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u/xSHELBZx Aug 13 '22

I’m sorry for the loss of your friend. ❤️

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u/Lol_A_White_Boy Aug 13 '22

This one hits a bit close to home. Eerily similar situation. Long time best friend of mine was killed in a motorcycle accident last year in April. He was a wonderful human and friend. We were both working the night shift at the time and I still remember how he called me the night he passed, but I had to ignore the call.

We’d call each other all the time just to shoot the shit, especially since we both worked over night, but I was busy at that moment. I texted him that I would call him later since I had some paperwork to fill out for work, and his last words were “ok”. A few hours later, I was lying down to go to bed and I got a phone call from a mutual friend that he was gone.

He had just bought that bike on Friday, and by the following Monday I lost my brother. Y’all be sure to tell your friends how much they mean to you. Life’s short and it can change suddenly, quite literally over night. I miss you buddy.

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u/InMemoryOfReckful Aug 13 '22

My best friend of last 10 years started ignoring me and freezing me out 1 year ago. Other friends also started freezing me out. No invites to anything.

I've been wanting to ask them why but I cannot do it. And I feel it's not gonna change the situation. I dont want to be friends with them anymore. It has left a massive void in my life.

If anyone knows how to deal with a situation like this please any help is appreciated. I've been in a really dark place recently, self reflecting. It's difficult to make new friends for me esp now that I'm out of school and university.

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u/just_sayi Aug 12 '22

Well you must be a pretty awesome person to have a friend like that checking in on you. Good job being a mate

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u/a_smart_brane Aug 13 '22

Damn right. Good point.

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u/Longjumping-Ad-226 Aug 13 '22

I wish I had a friend like this. Never let that person go

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u/Weekly_Commission_97 Aug 12 '22

What a good homie !! :)

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u/Greenleaf13 Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22 Gold Hugz Helpful (Pro)

This totally hits home. I feel I have nobody. My gf of 5 years ended things with me. Some pre-text is we were in a long-distance relationship and Covid kept getting in the way. Eventually both countries were open but she couldn’t get enough time off and decided be best to end it. I was broken and since I don’t speak to my friends much anymore, didn’t know who to call ☎️ so I called suicide number. Just so I could speak to someone. Sat on the phone 📞 for 5 hours and nobody picked up. I cried and cried just felt numb and my little dog came and layed next to me. Amazing little girl and so loving helped me sleep that night and continue days ahead. As of yesterday, she my dog of 13 years passed away. I’m just really broken and keep telling myself the sun is coming. I also want to say. Money is great, but you could give me all the money in the world and it doesn’t come near the amount of love ❤️ I have for people or my dog. I’d give it all away for her to curl up next to me and I to pet her. Hoping some rays come this way eventually

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u/Dr_Philliam Aug 13 '22

I am so so sorry. I wish I could take all of your pain away. You are worthy, I'm glad you're still here, and I'm just so sorry.

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u/markypots9393 Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

So sorry to hear about your dog, man, what was her name? Those first days without them is the most heart wrenching stuff. I can tell you gave her an amazing 13 years - and remember, YOU gave her those years just as she gave hers to you. That makes you a pretty awesome person in my books.

And hey, don’t make yourself feel guilt or shame if you’re thinking about getting another pup - you’re not replacing her, it’s okay to want another dog. Instead, if you do go that route, feel proud and happy for giving another dog a great go at this thing we call life. If you wait though, I highly recommend you spoil yourself with some trips (if you can afford it) to places you’ve wanted to go or with a big purchase. Take some time off and if you can afford it (or have coverage), get a counsellor/therapist - I’ve only started recently, but it’s been a great experience.

It’s not easy being a human and feeling so much… it will get better though. Continue to live as a good person and stand up for what you believe in. Listen to other perspectives and put work in physically and mentally to be the person you want to be.

❤️ you got this

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u/schassis408 Aug 13 '22

Hey that sounds extremely rough and I hope your friends reach out to you, or you meet someone new.

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u/Greenleaf13 Aug 13 '22

Thank you. Yah, I know others are going through tougher times so I keep telling myself it’s just a turning point. Thank you for your kind words 🥹

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u/Vanessaraptor3861 Aug 13 '22

Just because others may have it worse, it doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid. Losing a girlfriend and a pet would deeply hurt for anyone. Sending light your way!

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u/OLookaDuck Aug 13 '22

Don't compare pain. Pain is valid no matter where it comes from, and no matter how big it is. Your feelings matter.

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u/SilentNico Aug 13 '22

My cat passed away a few days ago as well. It's definitely one of the toughest things ever and I would also give anything to see him curled up in his favourite cupboard again. But we'll get through it, I sometimes just have to get through the days by telling myself I'm doing everything for him. Good luck on your journey, I hope your days get better and that you get some positive news soon!

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u/OoDoeDarlingoO Aug 13 '22

Broooo marry him 🥲

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u/xkaliberx Aug 13 '22

He offered BOBA. BOBA! That's hubby material.

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u/SkyesMomma Aug 13 '22

That's a great friend who seems very understanding. I aspire to be this friend. Just a small reach out can mean so much.

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u/0_GoThBoI_0 Aug 12 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

Also I swear I’m not an asshole leaving my friends on delivered on purpose, I genuinely didn’t have the energy to open any of my social medias, let alone reply to everyone.

Edit: ok so since I can’t edit my post I’ll just do it here. For everyone calling me an asshole I fucking DID reply before I posted this ss AND he knew I wouldn’t be replying to him for a while cuz I told him I wanted some alone time and would not be checking my socials which has happened before so he understands. Y’all really don’t need to attack me like this when u don’t know the full story

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u/TerracottaBunny Aug 13 '22

I’m sure your friend understand but you should thank them for the kind messages and acknowledge that you aren’t ignoring them just feeling down.

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u/0_GoThBoI_0 Aug 13 '22

Yeahh i already did and he knew I was feeling down, told him I might not be online for a while beforehand

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u/dragongrrrrrl Aug 13 '22

When I don’t have the energy to like, really reply, I’ll usually just send a heart emoji or a “I appreciate you” or “i love you”. Even if it’s not really relevant to what they said to you. It sounds like he’s very understanding ❤️❤️ I hope things start looking up for you, friend!

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u/Dialogstaxi Aug 13 '22

I know it's hard to reply sometimes, just try to make sure they don't worry about you.. Because that's the worst... I hope you'll get better soon,

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u/Commercial_Pitch_950 Aug 13 '22

Absolutely agree with you. Even a “hey im struggling but im still here. Just not feeling up to chatting or anything right now. Thanks for checking in” offers huge relief to the friend.

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u/Hypnotic_Toad Aug 13 '22

The heart means more than you know. I get you, i seen your message, I'm ok. Sometimes it's used for good. Other times it's 🗿

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u/thats_a_money_shot Aug 13 '22

He seems like an awesome friend. And for him to care about you as much as he clear does, you must be one, too.

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u/Remus737 Aug 13 '22

Hey man listen. Whatever you're going through you gotta know this: your mind can lie to you all the time. All the time. But, what you can do and is always true is this: drink an extra 2 glasses of water a day, and eat 2 pieces of fruit everyday, and stretch. Find a video that you can follow on line and stick with it. It's unbelievable how much these simple things can make impact on the quality of your life.

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u/thatguyoudontlike Aug 12 '22

I was just going to ask if you're going to answer him

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u/SharpRevolution2 Aug 13 '22

I hope you responded to them before taking the time to post to Reddit lol

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u/Wutang_Guild Aug 13 '22

Right? His homie is telling him he cares about him, and he responds with a double tap heart react. But then takes the time to post and comment on reddit…. I understand depression is a bitch, but still.

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u/striped_frog Aug 13 '22

I genuinely didn’t have the energy to open any of my social medias, let alone reply to everyone.

That happens -- you're not alone.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

But also say something and stop your best friend from worrying about you. He's spending every second wondering if you're okay. It's okay to not want to talk, but don't ghost your friends because sad. Else, you'll have no friends messaging you at all, let alone 2 days straight asking how you're doing.

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u/Blewbe Aug 13 '22

Sympathy. Good friend you got there. You should pet them gently on the top of the head and tell them with great solemnity that you appreciate them.

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u/CMGS1031 Aug 13 '22

You have the energy to post this now. I assume that was after a nice convo with this guy, how’d that go?

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u/YRCondomsSoBaggy Aug 13 '22

Break the stigma against mens mental health. Check in on your buddies.

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u/0_GoThBoI_0 Aug 13 '22

I’m a girl dawg but totally agreed mens mental health matters

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u/thebirdismybaby Aug 13 '22

I’ve been there too, internet human. It took me years to get through it, but I am for real through it now and haven’t had a bad episode of depression for 3 years. It does get better, I promise. Just take care of you and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Inches turn to miles. Take breaks when you need it. Sometimes, all you can do is get up and go to the bathroom, and even that deserves celebrating. We gotta celebrate more, because being here and keeping on living is an incredible feat. You’re crushing the game right now, and you got this. I’m always here if you need to message someone and you’re feeling really low. My DMs will always be open.

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u/GoldenAlexanders Aug 12 '22

I envy you your relationship with your brother; I wish my sibling was like that.

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u/0_GoThBoI_0 Aug 12 '22

Fam that ain’t my brother, it’s my mate 😭

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22 Wholesome

Nah, that is your brother.

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u/NoRepresentative9684 Aug 12 '22

Nah bro. Thats ur BRO.

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u/OgReaper Aug 13 '22

It's been said twice already. But I strongly feel the need to emphasize this. he is your BROTHER.

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u/Fathletic231 Aug 13 '22

Anyone that cares like that is your bro. Fuck blood

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u/TheRainStopped Aug 13 '22

I’m Mary Poppins y’all

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u/HealthyBox5 Aug 13 '22

Dude, respond.

These type of people are so few and far between. I have 4 close guy friends, not even this awesome but close. We're all older so a bit harder to manage support with careers, kids, etc.

People like this are your crew. Give and take.

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u/CaldwellYSR Aug 12 '22

Answer your bro

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u/0_GoThBoI_0 Aug 12 '22

I did!! Expressed my gratitude as well

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u/CaldwellYSR Aug 12 '22

Good good, assumed you did but wanted to remind anyways, gotta keep people like that around.

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u/r0ckstar17 Aug 13 '22

And there’s not a single message about ignoring him. He’s doing that so sincerely. God bless everybody could have such friends.

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u/Select_Lime3079 Aug 12 '22

That's an awesome friend who keeps texting. You're a lucky person!

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u/Nearby_Opening_7435 Aug 13 '22

I can’t imagine having a friend like this

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u/Spqcy Aug 13 '22

Dude answer him, stop using his messages for reddit karma amd answer the man.

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u/BeeDeeDashOne Aug 13 '22

This restores my faith in humanity. I’m so glad he is there for you.

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u/RogueXXXLeader Aug 13 '22

That’s a real friend. Don’t abuse it! People like this are as rare as diamonds.

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u/jamesfluker Aug 13 '22

This is a friend who cares about you, even when you're not sure you deserve it.

You're worthy. Check back in with your friend, they'd be pleased to hear back from you.

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u/quizno1615 Aug 13 '22

Please text this man back. You don't get too many people like this in your life.

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u/LaArranaDiscoteca Aug 13 '22

When he said he’d get you Boba and Chocolate, I would have been at his front door with my pants around my ankles

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u/kirarinrin Aug 13 '22

Yet when I act like this I get treated like shit

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u/slash_asdf Aug 13 '22

Then they don't deserve you bro

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u/Toasted_N1NJA Aug 13 '22

I know its hard but you should really reply to this bro, I’ve been him and after a while of being ignored you start to think they really don’t appreciate it, easy way to lose a good friend when you’re already down

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u/duly-goated303 Aug 13 '22

I get you’re depressed you tend to ignore people but I hope you responded to this and said thanks or something, your kinda leaving your mate hanging his probably gonna feel like an idiot if you don’t get back to him.

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u/Super_Santana Aug 12 '22

Looks like you have a great friend. You should answer them.

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u/HisokaProx Aug 13 '22

Stop leaving him on read before you lose a true friend.

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u/SnooFloofs9467 Aug 13 '22

Dude, fucking respond to the bro… you are just leaving him on read. Even an emoji would be a better response than you giving.

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u/Regular_Side_6083 Aug 13 '22

i think the story here is OP did not check socials before the screenshot

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u/TrinityF Aug 13 '22

Why aren't you replying to him?

Why are you posting screenshots on Reddit?

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u/With_Negativity Aug 13 '22

Karma is more important than friendship

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u/InsideFrame9902 Aug 12 '22

I'm so so happy for you. I have quite a few friends but I can't expect anything like this from anyone.

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u/Spagh3ttiTime Aug 13 '22

These friendship are worth more than money. Cherish this.

I hope you're doing better <3

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u/RyperHealistic Aug 13 '22

As somebody who has been on the other side of this, please dont think youre being a bother if you ask them to get you something. If theyre anything like me, they wont bat an eye and just be happy to see you getting something you need.

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u/chooseatree Aug 13 '22

You are blessed to have friends like this!

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u/SweetAssistance6712 Aug 13 '22

OP, I know you're probably dealing with some shit but please reply to this precious human

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u/dbdbdb82 Aug 13 '22

I hope you responded to that before posting it here

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u/jackssmirkngrevenge Aug 13 '22

Respond to him asshole

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u/Shockwave743000 Aug 13 '22

Why the fuk did u not reply

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Text him back ffs

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u/ShitbashGod Aug 13 '22

Damn send him a “ok” at least

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u/iceteka Aug 13 '22

Hell even just a "k" lol. But fr this is how depression leads to you losing your friends.

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u/Classic-Mark-5454 Aug 12 '22

If you haven't already, send him a message letting him know how much these messages meant to you.

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u/Limp_Cheesecake4523 Aug 13 '22

Great. So Reply and appreciate and interact and show THEM that perhaps?

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u/Longjumping-Quiet-77 Aug 13 '22

why are you leaving them hanging? Sure, they care but it must feel like talking to a brick wall.

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u/xBesto Aug 13 '22

Answer him back man, don't be a dick lol

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u/neongloom Aug 13 '22

That was my main take away from this 🤣

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u/dbbmd Aug 13 '22

Reply.

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u/Appropriate-Bite-828 Aug 13 '22

Why aren't you texting them back!!

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u/nunyabiznizzzz Aug 13 '22

That’s a good friend stop leaving his ass on read!

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u/johnlondon125 Aug 13 '22

Why aren't you answering him

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u/Kurapik0 Aug 13 '22

I don't want to be rude but why there's no answer? I do like the heart reaction

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u/bigbabygeesus Aug 13 '22

Treasure this friend. It doesn't come around often. good luck friend.

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u/lacie_gracie Aug 13 '22

This is so beautiful. Friends like this are hard to come by. Let your friends love you. I've been a friend like this and the person never even wanted to see me outside of work. Finally dropped them and no longer feel like I'm in a one-sided friendship. Stick with the ones that show they care.

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u/Ame9377 Aug 13 '22

You better reply lol, don’t let that friendship slip.

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u/ALiteralSentientTank Aug 13 '22

For God's sake answer the man he's offering chocolate!!

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u/ItchyProlapsedAnus Aug 13 '22

Message him back instead of posting to reddit.

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u/didabsdraggle Aug 13 '22

No responses?