r/BlackPeopleTwitter ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Why is everyone mad? Country Club Thread

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21.6k Upvotes

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u/NEED_VISINE ☑️ Uppity BHM Donor 👨🏾‍🦱 Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22 Silver Helpful Take My Energy

Niggas give me heat for the same thing and I ain’t even a millionaire.

Edit: Somebody asked why I only date black women, so I’ma be completely honest…black women are the sun in my sky and imo you other hoes will never compare. Simple.

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u/TheClassyWomanist ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Other black men give you heat for dating black women?

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u/TheRecognized Sep 19 '22

As common as the cold. A black friend of mine once got told “you must miss the plantations huh?” in a conversation about how he prefers to date black women because he feels fetishized by white women. Shits crazy.

It’s not everybody but it happens.

Edit: Got told that by another black person, just to clarify.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

wait , wouldnt fetishing white women be more of a plantation thing? idk lol .

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u/TheRecognized Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

I don’t think they applied any logic to it so I didn’t try to either.

Edit: And it’s not that he fetishized black women, he preferred to date them because he didn’t feel like they fetishized them the way he felt white women did.

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u/Whateveridontkare Sep 19 '22

look up african sexual slavery in the US please so you understand why it doesnt have the same context.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

say stuff like....?? what? your comment doesnt at all say what you have a problem with ? And wtf is sexual slavery? You mean rape ?

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u/Lizakaya BHM donor Sep 19 '22

Why?

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u/Taeyx ☑️ Sep 19 '22

where do y’all be? i have never heard such nonsense lol smh. maybe i don’t be around guys enough

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u/Tubaman4801 ☑️ Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

Definitely not unheard of. Been arguing with some dudes I know about it for years.

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u/TaticalSweater ☑️ Sep 19 '22 Starry

I’ve never seen people give heat for dating black women only myself. I have seen it heavily for dating white women. Personally hating on both is…hateful shocking and its truly some 🤡 shit to begin with. Let people love who tf they want.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/GreenBottom18 Sep 19 '22

it's not racist to have a type.

if ur broadcasting it publicly, that might be seen as controversial.

sort of for the same reason i don't have "no fats, no fems, no avg 🍆" in my grindr prof

I'll silently weed ur ass out. but I'm not gonna publicly shame u or make u feel rejected by default or less of a person, simply for ur appearance or mannerisms.

everyone should be capable of loving & accepting themself.. I just may not love u..

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u/NEED_VISINE ☑️ Uppity BHM Donor 👨🏾‍🦱 Sep 19 '22

Guys would show me a non-black woman and my response would literally be “I don’t mingle” and then they start feenin to try and convince me loving black women as much as I do is wrong.

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u/Ryno3no ☑️ Sep 20 '22

Good ol misogynoir

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u/Techlet9625 Sep 20 '22

Not sure why black men are giving you shit for dating black women, just as I'm not sure why you feel the need to refer to women as hoes.

Shrug.

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u/TheWizKelly Sep 19 '22 Gold Take My Energy Starry

I personally think it is weird for someone to EXCLUSIVELY want to date people of a certain group but it really doesn’t go much further than that. If it works out for you then great, if not then oh well.

It’s the same thing when dudes get mad at women who only want to date men with money. Like she is entitled to her preference. If it doesn’t work out then it’s on her to figure that out, got nothing to do with me.

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u/wave-garden Sep 19 '22 Wholesome

I feel like lumping all these things together (skin color, specific appearance attributes, money or lack thereof, etc) is probably too simplistic. In most cases, our preferences reveal something about us, and it’s usually fine to have our preferences. But the stuff underneath can indicate issues that we need to deal with eventually. Maybe I grew up poor and want to date a rich girl because I feel insecure because I think back to being a kid and feeling scared of going hungry. Dating this rich girl is ok, but it doesn’t solve the mental health issues from my childhood trauma, and there’s a good chance that trauma will fuck up my relationship if I assume that this other person is going to somehow solve MY problems.

I don’t feel super strongly about this. Just was thinking about this and wanted to share.

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u/dbclass ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Well, the critiques aren't about telling others what to do, but about examining why those preferences exist (like you said). If I were white and met a black woman who met all of my preferences and still don't date her because she's black there should be some backlash and discussion because that would say something pretty explicit about what kind of person I am.

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u/LuxNocte ☑️ Sep 19 '22 Helpful

Boyega is stating that his preferences include things like "experiencing misogynoir", "growing up with Black hair", and "having a Black extended family". All of these are incredibly important traits for raising Black children, and exclude white women.

Interracial dating is fine, but it would be silly to pretend that it doesn't come with any issues.

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u/dbclass ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Those preferences are specifically racially biased and that's an issue imo. I disagree that race has to do with how one deals with taking care of black hair, raising children who face discrimination, or understanding the dynamics around misogyny towards black women. Even having these preferences, you can meet plenty of black women who don't know how to take care of black hair, don't have extended black families, and don't understand misogynoir because racial lines are socially constructed and arbitrary. Having these beliefs rests on a mindset that people of other races couldn't possibly be able to understand you. I haven't dated a single non-black woman in my life, but I would never say I'd never date them. Yes, they'll have to share some cultural values. Yes, they'll have to have certain mindsets and be willing to learn certain things. The fact that they aren't black doesn't determine how compatible they are with my preferences.

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u/LuxNocte ☑️ Sep 19 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

you can meet plenty of black women who don't ...

Boyega didn't say he would date any Black woman.

mindset that people of other races couldn't possibly be able to understand you

The idea that anyone can fully understand an experience they haven't lived is laughable. Do you think you know what its like to be Puerto Rican? Or a different gender? Or sexual orientation? Of course you don't. You can't.

I have dated white people. I dated a woman whose parents didn't like me because I'm Black. It was a strain on our relationship, and I understand why someone wouldn't want to have to deal with that.

Further, Boyega isn't just anybody. He is making a statement that Black women are acceptable to date, and that rich Black men don't need to date white women. His statement is only tangentially related to his "preferences".

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u/roseofjuly ☑️ Sep 19 '22

I disagree that race has to do with how one deals with taking care of black hair, raising children who face discrimination, or understanding the dynamics around misogyny towards black women.

This is not something you can disagree with (or you can, but you'd just be wrong). Of course it has something to do with it.

Just because there may be a few (I am skeptical about the "plenty") black women who don't know how to take care of black hair or don't have black extended families doesn't mean the concepts are unrelated. And even a black woman who grew up functionally white has been the target of misogynoir.

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u/SmartAlec105 Sep 19 '22

Yeah, I often draw comparisons to interacial dating when I'm in a conversation about whether it's transphobic to not want to date trans people. If it's because you're transphobic, then it's bad for you to have that transphobia. It's not that you should be forced to date people you're not into but you should be aware of your reasons why you're not into someone. If it's simply because you've got a genital preference, then that's not transphobic. And just to be clear, it's not the kind of thing where people other than you can know if your preference has a problematic subconscious reason or not.

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u/roseofjuly ☑️ Sep 19 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

Moreover, you can't compare different groups as if we live in a vacuum. For historical and sociological reasons,

1: Black man saying "I only date black women";

2: Black man saying "I only date white women"; ad

3: White man saying "I only date white women"

are totally different things with totally different implications.

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u/thejaytheory ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Yeah this makes a lot of sense though.

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u/LuxNocte ☑️ Sep 19 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

The vast majority of people date/marry within their race AND socioeconomic status.

White people do so without comment, usually without even thinking about it. Black people, being a minority, have to be more intentional, but that doesn't make it weird.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

White people do it because there r more white people I'm pretty sure. But if they purposely do it they are usually a bit racist

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u/alcoholic_savage ☑️ Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

That is not true. America is still a highly segregated country, and with dialogue on implicit bias and sexual racism rather lacking, intention is far from needed for intraracial marriage to be the most common.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

hmm? maybe you misunderstood, I am saying if white people purposely are not marrying other races then they are usually a bit racist. The white people are marrying white people because there are more white people in white communities than there are black folks generally

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u/SmartAlec105 Sep 20 '22

Man, I just wanna say I love the civility going on in this thread about a sensitive topic like this.

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u/ChrysMYO ☑️ Sep 20 '22

White people are segregated from society purposely or unintentionally.

Many white people can live in a non diverse context through no conscious effort and suffer very little in their life prospects.

For minorities conversely, we have to navigate white society and racist institutions despite our segregated society.

While there are absolutely racist white people who date white people exclusively do to race.

Many white people have the luxury of doing so unconsciously with no willful thought as to how their life turned out the way it did.

In addition, Black entertainers speaking openly about the subject about Black love is a targeted response to a racist phenomenon in which Black love between to Fully Black individuals was not socially or economically acceptable to publicly display on TV or Movie screen and in commercial life for several decades well into the 1970s.

Its important for Black entertainers to address this disparity and affirm to Black audiences that Black Love is as valid a relationship goal as other publicly celebrated relationships.

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u/traparms Sep 19 '22

A white girl once told me that she dates white guys because she wants her kids to look like her. I thought that was an interesting perspective.

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u/SmartAlec105 Sep 20 '22

Yeah, there are totally some practical reasons there. On the mild side you have people assuming your kids are adopted or that you're their nanny or something like that (my white mom had that happen with me and my sisters). On the severe side, you've got people thinking you're trying to kidnap a kid because you don't look similar.

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u/Ferrousity ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Wanting to exclusively date other black people as a black person (or if you've noticed, a lot of Trans folk are T4T only too) cannot be compared to wanting to date someone with money. I'm not even saying it's wrong to want a partner with financial stability/security, just that it's wrong to compare that desire to dating in-group amongst marginalized folk for safety reasons.

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u/MarcellusxWallace ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Bro the amount of times I hear women (any race) say they only date white guys is staggering.

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u/King-Krown ☑️ Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

Because a notable amount of them don't rock with their own community like that. It's wild how prevalent it is with Asians here. Factor in it's easier for them(Non-Black POC) to get sucked into the model minority thing, their arguably worse relationship with colorism(whiteness is better), see how Non-white men are portrayed/scrutinized here(especially Black Men)You see why. When you trying to ascend into ytness, Being with a Black person is the lowest thing you can do.

Yt/Blk mfs alike be trying to get our community to look the same. It's never "Just date who you resonate with/no hate needed" sentiment. It's "Black Men are trash", it's "Black Women are difficult", etc. Then always some yt person can say the SAME THING our women/men are saying about listening to each other, yet the scorned & serial daters will eat it up.

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u/littytitty00 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Right. But only when black people prefer other black people do we get the “wellllll that’s kind of odd!!” bullshit paragraphs. FOH

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u/thejaytheory ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Exactly, I used to feel some kind of way when women would state their preferences, and I'm like "Dude she has every right to, and plus she's doing you a favor, you wouldn't want to be with someone who wouldn't be into you"

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u/Funny_Breadfruit_413 Sep 19 '22 Take My Energy

Who's mad?

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u/Cranberry_Afraid Sep 19 '22

First question that honestly came to my mind...

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u/Itsprobablysarcasm Sep 19 '22

Incels. Racists. Anti-racists. Insecure men. White women who want a slice of Boyega cake. Dealer's choice, really.

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u/Cranberry_Afraid Sep 19 '22

"Racists. Anti-racists" basically just everyone. I had to google "anti-racist" and it meant exactly what I thought...I'm anti-racist, shidd, I hope you are as well...I am not mad, though..

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u/dennismfrancisart ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Add media addicts who need to feel relevant by affecting outrage over anything.

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u/Itsprobablysarcasm Sep 19 '22

Oh them too. Fuckers.

Btw, DAMN! Your artwork is incredible!

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u/DaMain-Man Sep 19 '22

Ootl why is anti-racism bad? Are we talking about folks who try so hard to not come off as racist that they just loop back around to being racist?

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u/Itsprobablysarcasm Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

Anti-racism isn't bad.

I was thinking of the people who self-identify as being anti-racist and would then be calling him racist for not wanting to date outside his race.

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u/mongoosedog12 ☑️ Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

Men who are mad they get called racist when they say they don’t date Black women.

The whole thing is “well if I said that about white women then people would call me racist”

So they’re using that on Boyega.

In short a vocal minority lol

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u/blacklite911 ☑️ Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

My thing is, date who you want, fuck everyone else. You’re the only person that has to live your life. Even the people that talk shit or comment online don’t actually really care anyway because they ain’t gonna be around if shit goes left. They view your life as a piece for consumption. That’s why I don’t serve my life up that way. And I respect the celebs who keep that line drawn

I don’t even know why people are so invested in these people’s dating lives anyway.

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u/stevehrowe2 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

date who you want, fuck everyone else.

I totally thought you meant FUCK everyone else as in fornication. I thought it was weird to turn this into an open relationship post.

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u/mongoosedog12 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

You’re absolutely right.

My aunt is like this, and my cousins husband (would he count as my cousin?) anyway, they have straight up said me and my other cousin dad’s are failures a fathers because we are dating/ married outside of our race…

I wanna ask her why she stay in my pussy so bad haha

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u/AoO2ImpTrip ☑️ Sep 19 '22

It's something so stupid to be upset over.

Flip side, I'd just never say anything and I'm curious why Boyega did. You could infer a preference from my dating history, but it's far more a product of who I spend most of my time around due to shared interest (see: being a comic nerd, D&D/MTG player, and anime/manga lover in the early 2000s before it wasn't stigmatized.)

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u/mongoosedog12 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Iirc he was specifically asked by someone who was interviewing him. Not like “oh are you dating” but specifically Black over White

I feel like it was one of those “dudes with a $6k mic” podcasts, not saying this to diminish the news that is being told via podcasts. But I think it was very much one of those gossip, guys hanging out and talking, bro chat type of podcasts

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u/MKclinch8 Sep 19 '22

Look at the replies of any tweet w interracial dating

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u/thejaytheory ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Lena Dunham probably

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

i was so happy when he said that . I see whole entire FB pages created by Black men who date white women calling black women too ratchet and ghetto to date . So its refreshing when i see black men who are proud to be Black and proud of BW.

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u/FEMA_Camp_Survivor ☑️ Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22 Silver Eureka!

A Facebook group of Black dudes who don’t like Black women isn’t a representative of most Black men. There’s Reddit subs dedicated to Black women divesting, whatever that means, where they complain about Black dudes and prefer non-Black men. It’s also not representative of anything but a bitter and small subset of people.

It’s healthy to remember social media creates echo chambers and amplifies them. If you’re looking for hate or haters on the internet, you’ll find them. The algorithms will also make hate find you.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

i didnt say it was . I just think its weird when people choose to date whites but the entire time their "love" is built upon self hatred and lies . Love whoever you want to love , but there is no need to then demonize BW or BM . That makes the relationship insincere .

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u/LinaValentina ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Honestly. Ask them why they prefer to date white women and they start listing why they hate black women like…🤨

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u/zezxz Sep 19 '22

At that point sounds like a W for black women dodging the bozos

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u/the-wifi-is-broken ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Literally my favorite video was this one “the cut” video where people have to pair who they think is in a couple plus a few single people in there to make it more messy.

This one guy is in the group and he just OOZES the “I only date white women” energy without saying a word, and then one of the guessers who is a black women pointedly asks why he prefers white women, which he brought up. Of course he starts talking about why he doesn’t like black women.

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u/Weekly-Leek-1648 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

...and now I'm obsessed with these videos. Thanks! Lol

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u/dbclass ☑️ Sep 19 '22

I mean you can exclusively date within and be just as toxic and have the same amount of self hate. Most people I meet who date exclusively on racial lines are toxic people.

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u/King-Krown ☑️ Sep 19 '22

For real, it really is cool if it's honestly love. I do enjoy the mesh of cultures in that regard, but the amount of people that do it out of self-hate/disgust for their own ain't it. I know they be the main ones creating these mixed kids with identity crisis.

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u/PrimoPaladino ☑️ Sep 19 '22

their "love" is built upon self hatred and lies .

Beautifully put. I wish all PoC could evaluate their preferences and examine them for that internalized self hate.

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u/PlantedinCA ☑️ Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22 I'll Drink to That

Let’s put it this way - I work in tech. The vast majority of my black male peers are not dating or married to any black women. And I do mean about 80-90% and it has been that way for the last 15-20 years. They don’t have to say a word.

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u/FEMA_Camp_Survivor ☑️ Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

What region you in, the West Coast? I’m in GA. It’s a lot of Black professionals and there’s a lot of opportunities to find each other in the dating scene. In a lot of places in America, it’s like either Black people are in the hood or we’re trying real hard to assimilate. It’s a broad pool of Black people to choose from where I’m at.

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u/PlantedinCA ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Yup West Coast. Seriously the only black woman - black man couples are southerners or east coast folks that migrated to the west coast later in career. But black men who has been on the west coast for most of adulthood or grew up on the west coast - 80-90% dating/married out. Particularly with “upwardly mobile” folks.

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u/FEMA_Camp_Survivor ☑️ Sep 19 '22

The South gets a bad rep, but I think Southern cities are generally better than the West Coast for Black people unless one is an entertainer or athlete. It’s not perfect but it’s helpful to see people who look like you succeed and build networks with those people.

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u/PlantedinCA ☑️ Sep 19 '22

It’s complicated for sure. But there is definitely a bigger economic mix of black folks in the south than in the west coast and that drives a lot of what ends up happening socially.

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u/roseofjuly ☑️ Sep 19 '22

It's complicated. On a social level Southern cities might be better, but there are very few jobs out there for what I do in the tech industry, and none of them are going to be at the level or the pay that I'm getting on the West Coast.

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u/H-TownDown ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Black people barely exist in those west coast tech hubs.

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u/PlantedinCA ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Yes and no. There are not a lot of black people in general, and of course a few places where there are pockets of more black people. I live in the Bay Area - so obviously Oakland is more of a hub for black people than other places.

Black women are mostly dating black men, I’d probably say around 65-70% are dating black men. So there is a mismatch. It is not like there are way more black men than black women. It is a choice for sure.

Without overly indexing on this theory - it feels like “nerdy” black men tend to date out because there is an assumption that black women don’t like nerds. It is possible a lot easier to be a “nerdy” black woman. And maybe it even stays under wraps where the black men can’t recognize their fellow female nerds as options.

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u/roseofjuly ☑️ Sep 19 '22

It is possible a lot easier to be a “nerdy” black woman.

No, it's not easier. If you're surmising that black men are less likely to date us because they assume that we're not nerds, imagine what that invisibility feels like when peanut buttered to the rest of our lives?

I'm a black nerdy woman who lives on the West Coast. I was already married when I moved out here, and honestly thank god, because I am essentially invisible here. When I lived in New York and Atlanta, I used to get hit on all the time. I don't think I've been hit on a single time the entire near-decade I've lived on the West Coast. For me, that's great, because I'm not checking for anyone, but if I were single it would be really frustrating. I know a lot of black women who just gave up and moved back east or south (several of whom ended up engaged within the year).

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u/PlantedinCA ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Oh I didn’t feel like writing a big old treatise on this whole black nerd problem. But for a while (I am probably a bit older than you) there was this whole discourse that black women didn’t like nerds so black nerds decided to date out because supposedly non-black women were more excepting of the nerdiness. Where as there wasn’t a similar discourse were black women who were nerdy were rejected for nerdiness. But I am old enough where being a nerd was still at the edge of social suicide, you had to keep that on the down low in some social circles - even for white kids. So being a black one doubly so.

What I was not implying is that black women (nerds or not) have an easier time dating. I have been back on the west coast since college. I am 44. The only people who hit on me are not from Cali. Dating is not easy for sure.

I have been joking / not joking I need to import someone. But I also have family ties that keep me here.

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u/Jealous-Ad-7195 Sep 19 '22

honestly it depends on where you’re at. in my home town and surrounding cities it was the norm for black “men” to only date yt women, but as soon as i moved to a major city shit was completely changed i would tell people stories about what it was like back home and they acted like it was straight from a movie

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u/thejaytheory ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Yeah I first heard of divesting through a RD Signifier video.

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u/bellylovinbaddie ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Me too😭 I’m sorry but after always see and feeling like the last choice for black men in hollywood / music industry/ athletes, it feels good to know that this brother unapologetically wants a black woman.

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u/luxii4 Sep 19 '22

Not just that, he said in an interview, “Brown and thick, melanin levels past 75 percent. Thick levels. You have to be looking good." Black, dark, and thick. He’s got people yelling Hallelujah!

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u/Umklopp Sep 19 '22 Ally

Why is anyone surprised? Boyega pretty much went on record saying "I don't care if talking about anti-Blackness and racial justice ruins my Hollywood career. There's a lot of bullshit out there and I'm fucking sick of it."

Dating a white person when you care that passionately about structural and institutional racism is inherently stressful. Why? Because they're incapable of having a first-person understanding of those problems. They simply cannot share your experiences and thus have the same implicit awareness of what's going on. Even if you did stumble on that rare individual who Gets It, there's still the question of their extended family's attitudes.

Imagine John Boyega sitting through a Christmas dinner with Uncle Racist. He'd either be fuming or fighting the whole time. And far, far too many white families are willing to rug sweep overt racism. Even if Uncle Racist gets banned, there's still the issue of Granny Microaggression.

This isn't really even about race. It's the same as an atheist only dating atheists raised by atheists; it's choosing what kind of stress you're willing to deal with at home.

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u/cousinoyaya Sep 19 '22

I completely agree but a surprising amount of outspoken ant-racist figures and celebrities turn out to be with white partners, Zendaya, Donald glover etc.

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u/owleealeckza ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Because it is possible to find someone white who is truly down but it is difficult. Not everyone is going to end up with a Chelsea Peretti. Some end up with a devil instead.

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u/SmartAlec105 Sep 20 '22

But saying "it's more likely for me to find a partner that shares my experience if they have these commonalities with me" is different from "I'm not going to even give a chance to people that aren't like me".

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u/owleealeckza ☑️ Sep 20 '22

Well if you listen to the clip of John speaking on this then you'd know he said the first one. He wants someone who can share his culture & background, he said he finds that black women do that best.

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u/bluelightsonblkgirls ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Donald Glover is suspect when it comes to black women though (the whole bit where he interviewed himself was weird af), and Zendaya (like her a lot and have appreciated the ways she speaks about race and colorism) has a white parent so her being open to dating a white man is no surprise.

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u/poundtown1997 Sep 19 '22

I’m half black and idk, for me to say I only want a black partner would be weird. I imagine it’s the same for other mixed children, like “Okay, if my parents had the same logic I wouldn’t exist”.

It just seems very limiting to do as a mixed person when if everyone thought that way you clearly wouldn’t exist…

That’s just one of the weird things about being mixed though. I could go on, especially when it comes to relationships, but that’s not what we’re talking about lol.

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u/bluelightsonblkgirls ☑️ Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

Just to be clear, it wasn’t my intent to imply that Zendaya should want to prefer black men. The person I was replying to mentioned Zendaya being an anti racist celeb with a white partner so I just pointed out that given she has a white parent her having a white boyfriend doesn’t ping as anything odd or diff to me, despite or in spite of her being anti racist. Hope that makes sense bc now I’m confusing myself with the written word 🤣

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u/poundtown1997 Sep 19 '22

No you’re good, I was just adding on to what you were saying! I didn’t think you were implying that at all I was just saying my opinion as someone mixed and why it would be weird in general to expect that from someone mixed.

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u/DriizzyDrakeRogers ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Probably because it’s not nearly as stressful for some as it is for others. I don’t think most people need someone who has a first-person understanding of their problems or viewpoints. Just showing some level of understanding and appreciation can be enough. The one or two times a year that you have to go to a potentially awkward dinner is a minor thing for most in the grand scheme of love and relationships and it’s not something guaranteed to go away because you’re dating within your race.

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u/Umklopp Sep 19 '22

I mean, that's also their perogative. I'm not going to speculate on why that happens beyond "there are many responses to trauma." Oppression is a traumatizing experience, especially when you're constantly trying to wrestle with it. Boyega is just an easy read because he's been so outspoken about his unwillingness to compartmentalize or compromise.

That said, saying "I'm only interested in dating Black women" isn't actually the same thing as only dating Black women.

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u/mstrss9 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

People think because race is a social construct, it’s just easy for non white folks, especially black folks, to just disregard it.

As open as I am when it comes to dating, I keep hoping I’ll click with someone from my same racial and ethnic background.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22 Wearing is Caring

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u/LeMagicienDuSoir Sep 19 '22

A couple of reasons. In that case honestly it makes sense. I don't really want to meet any parent of any white girlfriend that I may have and it's easier for her to understand what is my thought process and in my experience my white friends can't detect the racist guy in a room until he says it but black friends will notice it almost immediately.

The thing is I spoke with a lot of women and in any race, it's like the world is telling them that they aren't pretty. Saying you date only women under 30 is absolutely awful to hear for at least some women over 30. Sayi g you only date white women will be awful to hear for everyone else (with devastating repercussions in South Asia where a lot of people are white supremacists). There's nothing wrong with telling your preferences especially since black women have been the primary victim of '' the world don't like you'' bullshit. But if you can, it's best not to say you only date one type of person. Not that I don't know any guy who would also be shattered for hearing this.

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u/Whateveridontkare Sep 19 '22

enlightened centrism I see.

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u/LeMagicienDuSoir Sep 19 '22

I try to take a bit of distance with that. I have a lot of girl friends because I'm in psychology and in my country it's like 70% women. They really are under pressure all the time and I blame Instagram for this

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u/vainbuthonest ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Or when they aren’t the number one most appreciated person in the room.

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u/thejaytheory ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Ahem, Lena Dunham

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22 Gold Wholesome Eureka!

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22 Gold

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u/thelaziest998 ☑️ Sep 19 '22 Helpful

all other races must be open to dating black people

Let me spell it out, there is nothing wrong with having personal preferences especially when it comes to dating. The issue arises more so when peoples preferences have racist undertones and connotations attached to them. EG colorism which is unfortunately. very big in the black community and society as a whole because for decades now “whiteness is a standard of beauty”. So yeah nothing wrong with having dating preferences but it’s important to recognize not just the undertones but the outright racist stereotypes that poc have face daily.

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u/PlantedinCA ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Yes. Because the people who say they do not date black women typically say something like “I don’t date black women because they are ghetto, loud, agressive, freaky, and masculine. I like more feminine women.” Spewing off a whole paragraph of racist stereotypes that our culture has been cultivating for centuries.

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u/Shad-based-69 Sep 19 '22

Just for clarity, my comment was just a statement of what I've observed online and not my personal position on the topic.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

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u/ipayinexposure ☑️ Sep 19 '22

John Boyega said it in his follow up tweet.

"I only date blondes/brunettes/redheads" very clearly means the same thing

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

Hair color is linked to a or several ethnicities, sure. But they’re not synonymous for race. Unless we call asians, middle-easterners, north-africans and latino’s white.

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u/PatrenzoK Sep 19 '22

Yeah but it’s implied, and with a good sense of understanding how we all communicate you know what it means.

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u/TheClassyWomanist ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Don’t bother. He knows what you mean but he’s choosing to be disingenuous!

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u/PatrenzoK Sep 19 '22

I know. I just always worry one time someone just doesn’t get it but they always do.

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u/luxii4 Sep 19 '22

If you date a Black woman you get all the hair colors and all the hairstyles 😁

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u/Retro_Super_Future ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Or if you like light skinned girls you’re colorist but If you like dark skinned girls you are celebrated. It’s a double standard and it’s annoying af and frankly invalidating

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u/Taeyx ☑️ Sep 19 '22

nah if you only like dark skin girls, they say you’re fetishizing. there’s a negative way to look at anything frfr

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u/Arpakaso ☑️ Sep 19 '22 'MURICA

*Black. This situation is specifically about Black people, and it’s relevant this conversation. It’s not a double standard because the standard has never been equal, to begin with.

Black women have always been told we’re the least desirable, even by our own men. White women, on the other hand, are literally the standard. Traditional White femininity and beauty standards have been forced upon us for centuries.

Ww have never needed to be uplifted, because they’ve always been put on a pedestal. Meanwhile, Bw are constantly berated for existing.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22 Wholesome

It’s black in this case, because a black man said it, but it applies to other ethnic groups.

No any ethnic group is a monolith and not everyone within a ethnic group bears the sins of their fathers.

Just because people of color (not just black people) have been dealt with unfairly (saying it politely) in the past does not mean we should do the same thing to every white person because others were in the past, present or future.

I’m not going to comment on how black men treated/ treating black women, because that’s not my place nor do I have any insights on this.

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u/Arpakaso ☑️ Sep 19 '22

But that’s the thing: John never said anything disparaging about other races. White people weren’t even mentioned, originally. He simply said he wants to date Black women. Sins of the father, or whatever surface level take, doesn’t even apply, here. White people inserted themselves in a discussion that had nothing to do with them.

I’d also argue this situation is still unique to Black people, based off the backlash. Simply celebrating ourselves always gets folks in their feelings. Especially when its about Bw. Again, we’ve been told we’re inferior and the least desirable for centuries.

Bm bashing Bw for the 23567732245 time never gets White folks talking. But when ONE Bm does the opposite, all of the sudden everybody has something to say.

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u/PlantedinCA ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Yup. Heaven forbid he doesn’t perpetuate the stereotype that black men on the come up ditch black women for non-black women.

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u/wine_o_clock ☑️ Sep 19 '22

“Just because people of color have been dealt with unfairly in the past”

Black women, and dark-skinned black women to an even greater degree, are still deeply and widely devalued in today’s dating market. Is it really so hard to understand why it’s more acceptable to show preference for women who are devalued by society at large?

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u/Alexexy Sep 19 '22

It's not really racist to prefer dating people that look like yourself.

Like if you make it a bigger deal than personal preference, it would be, but liking certain physical features is fine.

Dating white people because you like redheads and blondes is cool. Dating white people because you hate your own skin color and you're trying to distance yourself, for genetic purity reasons, or simply you think that being white means being successful is some racist ass shit.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

Agreed!

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u/krissab23 Sep 19 '22

But he said he PREFERS it. I prefer to wear pink, but it doesn’t mean I won’t wear other clothes that have a shape I like or looks good on me because it’s not pink. If I had two of the same shirts but one was pink and one was blue, I would chose the pink, cause that’s what I prefer. But if I had two different shirts, maybe a halter neck and a tank top, and the tank top was pink, I would buy the halter, cause it’s much closer to what I want in a shirt. Does that make sense or am I just rambling?

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u/highpl4insdrftr Sep 19 '22

Absolutely makes sense. But that's because you have critical thinking skills unlike the mouthbreathers criticizing Boyega.

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u/krissab23 Sep 19 '22

Thank you! I feel like people often either forget or don’t know what preference means. Cause I would say there’s a large difference between “preferring” to date a certain race and “only” dating a certain race.

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u/thatpotatogirl9 Sep 19 '22

That's because there's only a power dynamic one way at least in western culture. White women are considered to be the standard of beauty. They're the default and any woman that is not white is considered to be divergent.

Talking about hoy you only date white women is occasionally criticized because it both comes from the same mentality that built the transatlantic slave trade, and because it reinforces the awful idea that attractiveness for women only comes from white characteristics.

Saying you only date black women or Hispanic women has a very different connotation because in many ways its subversive of one of the most blatant aspects of colonialism that is left in our culture.

What it all comes down to is context.

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u/lordjusticelong Sep 19 '22

Don’t think that’s racist. If I say that I only date certain types of women, not sure other types of women would feel discriminated against. Would probably be relieved

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u/epicmousestory Sep 19 '22

I think most people at this point accept having a preference for race as a legitimate preference when it comes to dating. How to express that and where it comes from may be different. If you say "no blacks," yeah I'm thinking you're racist af. If you don't date a specific race because of your beliefs about that race, again problematic. If you don't find anyone of a particular race attractive, I'm side eyein.

I don't think the average person is coming for the normal, generally accepting white person that tends to date within their race. No one has the time or energy to even care about that.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

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u/PlantedinCA ☑️ Sep 19 '22

I went on one date with a guy who told me he only likes, paraphrasing here, “black women that seem like white women.”

And basically the more he started talking about these preferences it was clear it was all internalized racism. He basically thought most black women were hood rats. He only wanted to date classy women and correlated whiteness with classe. So he just wanted women like me (grew up in middle class white suburbia), because of my proximity to white folks growing up. And he was particularly excited because I have a very valley girl accent. But didn’t seem to separate the concept of race and class.

This was definitely a weird end of a fetish to be on. There was no second date. The way he talked about women was so strange. It was good those red flags popped up early.

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u/mstrss9 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

I think it’s weird as f to exclude your own race or to accept all races except one.

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u/indiedaytona ☑️ Sep 19 '22 Eureka!

Are y’all tf okay in this thread?!

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u/TheClassyWomanist ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Lol why?

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u/indiedaytona ☑️ Sep 19 '22

John has been catching flack for years for saying he only dates black women.

Also, no one gives a flying fuck to call wm racist for stating the same. I want them to know and understand that. It’s literally expected.

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u/TheClassyWomanist ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Thank you. Finally someone with sense. I blame that black woman on TikTok who was upset that a white man when to 50 states and only dated white women. She has these men thinking that all black women care who they date.

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u/indiedaytona ☑️ Sep 19 '22

I thought about that as well lmao. And I don’t even think she referred to him as racist, just questioned why there wasn’t any color in his dating choices.

But if that’s what they’re referring to, then they’re also missing the hundreds of black people telling her we literally expect them to date within their race in her comments. Also, the other black creators who stitched her correcting her about her comment and how it was harmful.

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u/sneakylyric Sep 19 '22

It makes sense to want to share your life with someone who has similar life experiences.

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u/Mochashaft ☑️ Sep 19 '22 Starry Vibing I'll Drink to That

Alternatively I enjoy being able to learn from, and teach, my partner via the fact that our life experiences were wholly different.

I'm not gonna learn or progress much talking to someone who had the same experience as me.

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u/Superpansy Sep 19 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

I don't really know the situation in question but consider if the races were reversed. Wouldn't you be calling a white man racist for saying they prefer to only date white women?

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u/bluelightsonblkgirls ☑️ Sep 19 '22

No…and we see this play out on a daily basis. Black women do not care as long as you are not denigrating black women as a reason for the preference.

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u/mstrss9 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Exactly because if John was trashing on other women while stating his preference, we would call his ass out.

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u/FalsePremise8290 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

No. You're allowed to discriminate when it comes to who you fuck.

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u/primmslimm77 Sep 19 '22 Starry

Yall so easily outraged. Stfu

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u/TheFrontalCortex Sep 19 '22 Eureka!

Right?! Mfers grab the pitchforks and torches for brick walls around here. People spend so much time discussing these celebrities and for what? If people paid as much attention to their self- awareness as they do celebrities we'd be thriving.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

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u/dbclass ☑️ Sep 19 '22

"I don't want to be friends with any black person" Crazy people get pissy over other people's preferences. No one is entitled to my friendship. /s

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u/FalsePremise8290 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

You do realize picking a sexual partner is a discriminatory act by it's very nature, right?

You can't date/fuck em all. You have to have some sort of preference. And what's the point in insisting people be anti-discriminatory in their dating practices?

Being straight or gay is sexual discrimination. Should we insist everyone be bisexual?

And given that 82% of people are married to someone of their same race, most people are either discriminating based on race or we live in such a segregated society it's happening naturally.

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u/TheClassyWomanist ☑️ Sep 19 '22 Starry

What’s so interesting to me is the non-black people that are arguing that what he said is wrong and racist, I never see you guys up in arms when black men say the opposite and shit on black women. I have never seen a white man enter the comments of black men bashing black women to defend and say “racial preferences is wrong”

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u/Mochashaft ☑️ Sep 19 '22

I think what's even more interesting is the tribal hypocrisy that seems to be inherently built into literally every group.

We absolutely see people up in arms over both, its just always the inverse group. This whole "It's fine when we do it, but you can't" mentality is not helping anyone anywhere.

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u/SirRupert Sep 19 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

Having a preference of who you want to be with is not controversial. Date who you want to date, don't feel pressured into being with someone you don't want to be with, and don't feel bad about it.

Not sure why the conversation can't end there.

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u/QTlady Sep 19 '22

The general argument is basically what some comments are confirming. There are people who believe if a white person said they only date their race, it'd be considered racist or prejudiced.

What they did not realize is that white people have always said it. One post I've seen shared is when John Mayer stated his "dick was a white supremacist."

I'm not entirely sure John Mayer got any flack for that one, though. But it was in an article and I don't pay a lot of attention off and on.

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u/TheYankunian ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Pete Davidson has said it. Kid Rock has said it despite having a biracial child. Eminem has said it. Rod Stewart has inferred it. Some white dudes are perplexed that Robert De Niro prefers black women.

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u/mstrss9 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

John Mayer got flack because of HOW he said it. It was racist and sexist and gross.

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u/scarecrow53 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

John Mayer has left the chat.

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u/purplepolkadot3504 Sep 19 '22

Wait why? What happened with him?

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u/sedatemenow Sep 19 '22

John Mayer said (maybe 10-15 years ago in a playboy interview) that his dick is a white supremacist.

“My d–k is sort of like a white supremacist,” Mayer went on. “I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f—in David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my d–k.”

https://www.billboard.com/music/music-news/john-mayers-sexually-racially-charged-playboy-interview-sparks-outrage-959433/amp/

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u/okkokokk Sep 19 '22

I don’t care what anyone preferences are. You only date black women, cool. My only issue with anyone saying they only date XYZ is when they put others down. I used to fuck with a guy who told me he likes all types of women. We became fuck buddies but I peeped his twitter one day and saw him talking shit about non-black women and he would only date black women. I’m not black so I was just like …. What the fuck..? I stopped fucking with him after.

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u/bellylovinbaddie ☑️ Sep 19 '22

They never have this energy when black men(and the hundreds of white men) have no issue saying they would never / aren’t attracted to black women. I guess once again when white women aren’t the main characters, they have an issue .

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u/yagirlheav ☑️ Sep 19 '22

I was happy to see that tbh lol. Most people I see are in kahoots in white women. I literally had a black guy come up to me and tell me that he found me attractive and he doesn’t even like black women. 🫤 Like the last part was so unnecessary.

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u/TrapaneseNYC Sep 19 '22

I only date black women because I don’t have time to be explaining nuances of being black and dealing with my partners own internalized biases against my people. Plus black women are unmatched in beauty. I side eye anyone who says only wanting to date black women is controversial for a black man.

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u/therealknic21 Sep 19 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

I feel like there's no reason for him to say that publicly though. Like what's the purpose of him stating that? To pander to black women? Even if I prefer black women, I wouldn't say it as it would indoubtedly hurt a woman of another races feelings and they'd feel like something was wrong with the way they were born.

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u/TheClassyWomanist ☑️ Sep 19 '22 You Dropped This

Lol yet people can say the opposite about black women everyday of the week and no one ever thinks about our feelings.. 🙄

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

we are too manly to matter ! lmao .

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u/FalsePremise8290 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

He was being interviewed and asked about his dating preferences. He explained he's looking for a successful black woman he has good chemistry with and shared goals. And that his parents have been married for 35 years and he wants a relationship similar to theirs.

He wasn't putting anyone down or badmouthing non-black women. He was just explaining what he wanted in a partner.

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u/simplereplyguy ☑️ Sep 19 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

Instead of guessing the context in which he talked about this, you could've saved yourself this post, and just looked up the interview. It wasn't somethin' he just blurted out.

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u/owleealeckza ☑️ Sep 19 '22

The issue is when you have a preference for one race then shit all over other races of women. John Boyega doesn't do that. He doesn't tear other women down to build up the race of women he prefers.

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u/Caeldeth Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22

Honestly its a weird topic... Frankly I think a person should be allowed to have their preferences when it comes to a partner.

But that sadly isnt the case with many others...

Are you black and want a black partner? Backlash

Are you black and prefer a white partner? God bless your soul for what is coming to you

Are you white and prefer a white partner? You are racist

Are you white and prefer a black partner? You just found out how racist some of your family is....

Are you asian and want to date a black person? Your family disowns you

Are you asian and want to date a white person? Well this will depend on their job...

Are you Indian and want to date anyone not Indian? this is why your parents choose for you.

Hell man - cant we just fucking love who we want to love and leave it at that?

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u/krissab23 Sep 19 '22

I feel like people don’t know the definition of preference. A preference is not an absolute.

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u/Chapea12 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

But not nearly as controversial if he says he prefers to never date black women. No idea why liking black women would be controversial

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u/SamuraiSavvy ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Who cares? Why do we give a fuck? Do we have nothing better to do?

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u/indiedaytona ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Because hating black women is trendy right now.

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u/yarivu ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Not surprised but it’s still mad goofy. Like when other black men and men of other races say they don’t prefer black women and say some racist shit about them not too many ppl care so why care about the inverse

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u/WestOrangeFinest Sep 19 '22

I don’t bother staying abreast of the latest celeb news and I really don’t give a shit about any person’s love life, but I think the issue is that he claimed he would only date black women. At least that’s what I think I saw.

It’s one thing to have a preference, it’s another thing entirely to say you would never date anyone of a certain race, which sort of dips its toes into racist territory, IMO.

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u/FormalCookie430 Sep 19 '22

I feel like when you publicly put out there your preference for a SO you open up a can of worms. Weather it's race, body type, or age I've never seen it met with anything but malice.

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u/TheInnerMindEye Sep 19 '22

Because there's a notion pushed by some people that love doesn't discriminate and interractial relationships will save the world. Therefore everybody should date everybody regardless of skin color or personal preference. These people then get mad and upset when people don't fall under their viewpoint because you aren't spreading love through out the world and trying to "save the world with love".

Also, they feel like celebrities should be role models and always say the "right" thing - which to them, again, is nondiscriminatory

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

thats not why imo . i respect your point of view . but this is anti blackness . because BW dont fit their definition of beauty , of course all BM should feel the same and crave white women .

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u/TheInnerMindEye Sep 19 '22

What if I told u it could be that both of us could be correct?

The group of people I'm speaking of does exist. It doesn't matter to them if people are black/white/asian/hispanic/native/Arabic. They are so "anti-racist" in their minds that any not interracial relationship is racist.

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u/dbclass ☑️ Sep 19 '22

I have never seen this and don't believe this is a widely shared mindset. You can see it all on this thread specifically and across Reddit. People love to play progressive until it comes to critiquing dating decisions. I don't care who anyone dates but don't fool yourself into thinking "I don't date all black women" is anything but racist.

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u/jimizeppelinfloyd Sep 19 '22

It's just shallow to say you wouldn't date a certain person because of something about their appearance that they can't change. It's the same as saying you don't date short people or fat people. It's not something you need to be saying on a public forum.

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u/sillyadam94 Sep 19 '22

People get mad when they find out other people have a “type” that isn’t them. Egoists can’t stand not being everyone’s type.

Then there’s just those double-standard having assholes who are gonna give Black people shit for displaying any semblance of exclusivity, as if that’s not what white folks have been doing for hundreds of years.

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u/x1009 ☑️ Sep 19 '22 Eureka!

I can see why black people would want to only date black people, but all skinfolk ain't kinfolk. There are plenty of black people who engage in anti-blackness.

That being said. anyone who says they only date [insert race] is a lil weird to me.

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u/simplereplyguy ☑️ Sep 19 '22

We are the only group of people who get push back for wanting to maintain black community. God forbid we speak public about it.

His response was on point. If you're a black man and you heard it, you instantly felt what he was talkin' about.

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u/UncontainedOne ☑️ Sep 19 '22

Controversial or not, I agree with him wholeheartedly.

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u/Informal_Curve_1441 Sep 19 '22

Personally, idgaf who anyone prefers or chooses to be with no matter their reasons. Dye your face purple, join scientology and date whoever the hell makes you happy. Date several or have whatever relationships you want. As long as you are consenting adults and it makes everyone involved happy then it's none of my business.

We get all involved in people's personal lives as is we have some authority to dictate what's acceptable or not.

👆 the barren field of fucks I have to give over who you share relationships with and why you chose that person or persons.

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u/JackMarley74 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

They dont even like him but they want his dick to jump up for them? That's so like them.

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u/dbclass ☑️ Sep 19 '22

I'm just here to drop my opinion and go. Personally, I've never had a racial preference and don't fully understand those that do. Dating decisions are personal and everyone should be able to choose what they want, but also pointing out where certain biases may exist sends people into a frenzy when it really shouldn't. If a white guy said they'd never date any black women, you'd be able to analyze that statement and come away with why. It's okay to point these things out and have conversations about why we separate ourselves in this manner. Some often are using race in place of what they really mean (don't want to date outside their own culture, prefer certain facial features, etc but these things aren't racially tied so this is just a really good faith interpretation for a sentiment I really don't like).

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u/GenericPCUser Sep 19 '22

Because racists see "victim status" as something they want to claim, but as most racists are also a part of privileged groups they have to reach for that victim status.

This leads to racists making absurd leaps of logic like "woah, you're made uncomfortable by my racism? Your discomfort with me is basically the same as being racist against me!"

Racists have worked overtime over the last century normalizing these stretches to the point where it's pretty normal for "centrists" to grandstand about how marginalized people need to police their own words to avoid making racists uncomfortable and everyone just nods along as if that's a totally reasonable thing to ask.

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u/Rosalie1778 Sep 19 '22

I think it's because if you reverse it then it sounds racist. Like a white person saying they only date white people would become a racial issue

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u/Iggy2Stackz Sep 19 '22

Oh lord, what I miss this time?

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u/jackoftrades002 Sep 19 '22

So stupid. But gotta admit. Some folks be up in arms if a black man said only prefers white girls.

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u/Jealous-Ad-7195 Sep 19 '22

isn’t that what the racist want? to not have black men fuck with their pure yt daughters? we can never win

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

because for these people it is always a matter of asserting their supposed superiority . If all black men dont slobber over the idea of a white woman then how can they be better than us ? Part of the fun for white supremacists is making us believe it .

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u/Jealous-Ad-7195 Sep 19 '22

take my poor mans gold🏆🏆🏆

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '22

thanks . ive had time to process a lot of this stuff and it dawned on me that if Black people dont believe in white supremacy then it isnt real and only exists in their minds and they know this . They have been trying to do psychological warfare on us .

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u/stillestwaters Sep 19 '22

I mean, I can see why it’s controversial.

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u/master-Debator-later Sep 19 '22

The Recreational outrage that is Twitter.

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u/Learned_Hand_01 Sep 19 '22

I don’t care who anyone dates, that’s not my business.

I know why it’s controversial though. Just replace every instance of the word Black in the tweet with the word White. Is the result controversial? It’s actually pretty gross, right? So that’s why.

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u/Certain_Degree687 ☑️ Sep 19 '22

I mean, I dont see the problem and while I'm not one of those loonies whose going to go into a bizarre conspiracy driven rant, this is when you know the way they are pushing interracial attraction is more about preserving the white supremacist fantasy than genuine attraction. On that note, I'm Black/Mixed Race and I'm exclusively attracted to and prefer to date Black women!

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u/AllDougIn ☑️ Sep 19 '22

What he said is very matter of fact, maybe it could have been delivered better, but who can fault him for his preference. Sometimes waves need to be made… it makes the hurt dog that hollered start to question how they presented themselves as well.

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u/YeazetheSock Sep 19 '22

It goes both ways, apparently men aren’t allowed to have preferences